How much does your significant other help?

Question

We live four hours from  family and both work full time. He works more hours than I do and refuses to do anything at home. The only time he will watch the baby is when I shower. He gets 2-3 hours a night to play video games and do what he wants. I asked for one hour away from the baby tonight (since I never get a break). I basically was on my hands and knees crying and begging and he told me that I don’t have what it takes to be a mom and I’m pathetic. I shouldn’t need a break. He’s watching her now while I lay in bed still crying. But it’s because “he’s tired of hearing bitching” I just can’t do this some days. Paying bills, grocery shopping, cooking, working full time, putting baby to bed, dressing her and packing her diaper bag, changing diapers, taking care of her when she’s sick, driving her to the babysitter and picking her up, playing with her all evening, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, washing the dishes, taking care of the pets, taking the baby to her appointments. the list is endless but I can’t get through to my husband that I deserve a break just like he does. I don’t know what else to do....

Answer

I hate hearing stories like these. That is PATHETIC! He's no man in my opinion. He would rather play 2-3 hrs on his video games than spend time with his child? Sad. And what kind of husband is he to sit and watch his wife do EVERYTHING and not even offer to give you a break or help out in any way. Ugh.. sorry you have to go through that.

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I’m sorry, but he’s an a-hole. That is disgusting behavior. My husband does not “help out” he is a father to his son. He is more than willing to step in anytime when I need me time. You need to have a serious discussion with your husband. That kind of behavior is disturbing and his words are verbal abuse to you. I hope you know you deserve better.

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That’s night right. That’s his child too. He should be happy to spend time with her. 
My husband works way way more then me. He’s out the door 530am until 6-7pm every day. As soon as he walks through the door he starts helping. He baths baby, he does jammies every night, helps with dinner, cooks, and cleans. Weekends he lets me sleep in even tho he’s exhausted. He wants to spend time with his son. I’m sorry :( stay strong mama. That baby is so lucky to have you

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I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. A marriage is a partnership. You shouldn’t feel alone in parenting like this. I remember you posting not too long ago about possible divorce is that something you guys are still considering? I am not quick to say “leave him” but ask yourself the hard questions, if he’s berating you and putting you down like this, it’s not good for you.

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I know i do way more then my SO i am the one who changes her and gets her dressed and bath time and play time etc. i make sure she has her stuff for daycare i drop her off and pick her up. I clean cook buy groceries and pay all the bills but he has night shift he is wonderful when she is sick and can’t sleep he will get up with no complaints and lay with her. He lays with her in the morning till i am dressed and ready. Yes i wish he would do more but i just have to tell him that i need help or a break and he steps up. I am sorry your SO said those mean words that is not how it should be. Men don’t understand and some just need a shove here and there but there is no need for him to treat you like that!

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I don’t say this lightly and rarely ever say this at all. 
This is grounds for divorce. 
Being shown compassion, grace, and appreciation is SO important in a partnership. It would shatter me if i was ever told by anyone let alone my husband (I’d probably go into shock) that i was undeserving to be a mother, or was pathetic because i needed time for me. 
I’m a sahm. That is my only job. My husband goes to work (military), school, other classes related to work, and then comes home and needs to study. This man STILL encourages me to have girls nights, go out to the mall and have an afternoon to myself, offers to make dinner (even though he can only make steak. But let me tell you, it’s a mean steak 😂) does dishes, folds,  laundry, makes sure i have coffee waiting for me in the pot when i wake up, and honestly probably does more that i don’t notice. These aren’t everyday things. But when he sees I’m lacking in some areas he picks up the slack with out question or complaint. I just could not imagine settling for less. 
Being a mom is so demanding and hard. And adding another full time job in top of that? Girl you are a bad ass and queen. You should be treated as such.

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I'm in a similar boat.  Except we work similar hours.  His job pays more than double what mine does and he gets up earlier for his shift so he gets less sleep than I do.  I get the kids up and ready every day, drop them off at daycare, pick them up, clean the house, occasionally he helps with dinner, I give their baths, brush teeth, and put them to bed.  I struggle all night long trying to complete these tasks and he sits there on the couch playing video games.  My husband is military too and sometimes leaves for days or weeks at a time.  I'm sick of him thinking that he always deserves a break and not caring if I get one.  I feel guilty when I need to do things for myself like I'm burdening him.

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I’m so sorry, sounds like he has you living like a single mom. I’m a SAHM but my husband is always more than happy to do anything for our daughter because he knows she’s BOTH of our daughter. I even woke him up early to leave her home with him for an appointment on his day off. But it wasn’t always like this, I had a talk with him and told him what I needed from him.
You need to sit your husband down and tell him to man up. He can’t just be a father to play with your baby. It’s not pathetic of you to need a break, you’re overworked and deserve it. 
I hope things get figured out for you ❤️

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Make a list of all the stuff you each do and let him see the work. Or make plans with a friend and have him watch your kid for a whole day by himself and see how it feels. It’s his kid. He should share in the responsibilities.

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I’m sorry he said those awful things!  Babies are incredibly hard and he’s should be part of the team!  
This may be petty but is there anyway for you to adjust your work schedule for a few weeks so he’s doing drop off/pick ups or home alone with baby part of the day. Or maybe go out of town for a few days (without baby) so he sees how hard it is to get it all done. 
Shoot I’m so mad on your behalf!! Id probably just tell him he’s a jerk and just go out for the whole day tomorrow. Leave him and baby at home. Go get a massage, nails, haircut, do some shopping, whatever feels good. You deserve some me time and he needs to learn to give you some respect you deserve!! You are doing and amazing job!!
Probably shouldn’t take my advice but definitely tell him he needs to get his attitude in check and be a part of the family he helped create.