Anyone else struggle with depression during this journey?

I have zero reasons to be laying in bed right now but I feel tired and depressed.

I have two kids from my first marriage and my husband and I have a 7 year old together. We have always wanted one more. We have done three rounds of clomid unsuccessfully, spent about 12k on fertility/surgeries/hsg and still no baby. It's been years we've been trying. I finally went on nurx and ordered birth control.

I have everything I want in life, three beautiful boys, a loving kind husband, I make over 100k a year, we just bought a home in 2019, I mean, from the outside, my life is perfect. Behind closed doors I struggle on the daily with depression and anxiety. I work from home because my anxiety is so severe I can't leave the house for days sometimes. My depression gets so bad that I don't shower for two or three days at a time. My husband is so supportive and understanding. I am starting therapy the week after next but I am alone in feeling this way? I feel that a good part of my depression is this TTC journey we are on. I feel like a failure that my 7 yr old wants a sibling and my husband wants another baby and I can't produce it. We've had two chemical pregnancies in 2019 and I'm just wrecked from this last one. I saw those two pink lines and I thought that this was it....and it wasn't.

I know most people, including my Dr, will say 'dont give up! Keep trying!' but once my birth control arrives I guess our journey will come to an end and that's ok...I'm 34 and just don't think that it will happen with only one tube and pcos. I'm blessed to have everything I have but it still hurts.