I don’t know what to do with my 7 year old

As the title suggests, my son is 7 years old. I also have an almost 5 month old. Last year my oldest skipped a grade because he was so ahead of where he should be. This year he’s doing fine academically, but he’s been struggling with following directions and getting his work done when he’s supposed to. He is like this both in and out of school. He argues with literally everything my husband and I say. It can be the simplest thing and he’ll argue with it. I’ve thought at times that maybe it’s a reaction to no longer being an only child, but he started this behavior before his brother was born. We’ve also made sure to take extra time with him...I’ll take him for a one on one fun day while my husband stays with the baby and vice versa. It’s made no difference.

Well yesterday he came home and he hadn’t written in his planner. Every day they’re given time to write 2 or 3 important notes in their planner and then a parent is supposed to look it over and initial that we got it. He’s had trouble not using his time in the morning to write what he’s supposed to before. I told him last night I didn’t want him falling into the pattern where he’s goofing off again instead of writing in his planner. I also explained that the notes are important for me to read so I know what’s going on in his class and at school. He expressed understanding and said he would do it from now on. Well, he got home and he hadn’t done it again, his teacher wrote it for him. When I asked why he said he was talking during the time he was supposed to do it. He said his teacher went ahead and did it for him because they were pretty important notes today and she wanted to make sure I got them. She also sent a note home that he was not focusing or doing his work pretty much all day.

I told him to go sit at the table and write what he was supposed to 3 times. He refused and started back talking. Saying he doesn’t have to write it because his teacher already did, etc. I told him if he was going to be defiant to go to his room. He continued to argue so I stood him up and turned him to the stairs and he finally went up. I heard a bunch of banging so I went back up. He was pounding on and kicking the sides of his bed (he has a raised bed that has stairs to get up so it has wooden rails all the way around). I told him if he disrespected his bed that my husband and I bought him like that again I was going to take it down and put his mattress on the floor. He continued to do it so I just walked out. He eventually stopped.

I truly don’t know what to do anymore. He’s like this more often than not anymore. There’s been times I’ve considered talking to the doctor about ADD or ADHD because he seems to have a hard time staying focused at school but I don’t want to just throw a label like that on him and medicate him. I also can tell sometimes that it’s just defiance. I’m lost!