I have never felt more alone then I do right now... and I don’t know if I’m being selfish in feeling this way.

Here’s abit of a backstory, I have been diagnosed with PCOS and told it was going to be very difficult to fall pregnant my partner and I have been trying for three years 2020 brings on the fourth year and every time I get that negative test I can’t help but cry and feel like I’m failing because Of this I’m starting to resent my partner because he isn’t always the best at supporting me he has a short temper... on top of this my best friend fell pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy at the end of December 2019 and I was so happy for her throughout the entire pregnancy she made me godmother and I fell I love with this baby before I met him.. it’s been almost a month since he was born and I still haven’t met him my best friend won’t answer my calls and ignores all of my messages she didn’t even tell me she had the baby I found out via a Facebook post after countless texts she called me said omg I’m so sorry I’m such a shitty friend and she had complications with her labour, all I said was all good babe I get it it’s your first baby I’m glad your both okay blah blah she said she was so excited for me to come see him and finally have a glass of wine.. since then I’ve heard from her once and that’s so she could rant about her and her partner having problems Of course I supported her and gave her advice that you know a baby will bring stress give it time blah blah we hang up with the promise of catching up this long weekend... so here we are on Sunday I’ve been feeling so upset lately and I think it’s a combination of my hormones that are going wild at the moment, my partner who seems to get mad at every little thing especially if I cry for no reason (and anyone with PCOS could understand how possible this is) but he also does so much for me which is why I feel so selfish but I feel he spends no time with me this weekend his been playing golf with work friends (the last time we went out was may 2019) and my best friend has ignored all of my calls and texts this weekend, I have no friends, my family all have their own lives, and I feel my partner would rather spend time and money with his friends then me... I haven’t been this depressed and alone in a very long time and I don’t know what to do or who I can turn too anymore 😔 I just want to give up