Hello,

I need some help.

So my husband has been very secretive about what he is spending his money on since we bought our new home in October.

I have been asking for the past few months for him to be transparent but he has not been at least in my opinion.

I am going to give a slight back story. We got married in June 2018 and had many conversations about money prior to marriage. Honestly it’s important to me because I know it plays a big role in why my parents got divorced and I have been financially on my own since I was 16. My parents had me emancipated.

In December of 2018 my husband told me had occurred $10,000 in debt. His annual take home at the time was less than $20,000. About half was from debt was from several years ago he was only making min payments. The other half was in just a few months of him buying Nike shoes and Starbucks daily. We also just had our first born and I couldn’t rack my brain on why we never had money. So one day he broke down and confessed. So from about January 2019 until September 2019 I would make him show me his bank account weekly. He paid down all the debt. I was really proud of him and glad I wouldn’t have to carry a big portion of our bills.

In October of 2019 we bought a new home. Since then he had refused to show me his bank account but had been paying most of our bills. I decided to cut him slack because for once he was providing for his family. He seemed proud of that. Our home is a bit of a fixer up so we need a lot of things. Today I was discussing what we need and asking him how should we pay for it let’s get a plan going. So he basically told me that about 1/4 of his checks covers all our bills. I was like that’s great. We should both be able to save up in no time for some of these things. Now, when I asked how much he had in savings he said maybe $100. I thought that was strange. Then I asked how his checking account was. He wouldn’t tell me. He kept changing the number it was kind of suspicious. So I asked what he spends his money on and he said food and gas. I am not buying that since I buy all the groceries he might be eating out one meal a day at most. A few weeks ago I found out about some shoes he never told me about that he recently bought.

I guess the part I need help with is what do I do. I am honestly having a hard time with this. He was going to counseling but we had to stop because we didn’t have money. He only went to 2 sessions. I have asked him to go back but he says he barely has any free time as it is. He now works 2 jobs and it’s probably close to about 55 hours a week. I am pregnant with our 2nd baby. I also only work part time and I don’t think I want a divorce. I feel as though I made a life long commitment to give this my best. I just feel that honesty is important and I am having a hard time trusting him. Am I being dumb?