I just want to be brief. I don’t need the criticism thanks.

I love my husband but he put me through so much. Being a good wife consists of dealing with anything that comes our way and me having his back no matter. Sadly he’s an alcoholic and relapses. A LOT! He used to be very abusive and I just dealt with it. He’s done things to me I didn’t know was possible. I was also abused as a child. I pictured my husband as my savior. My knight and shining armor but he is the complete opposite. Now I feel trapped. I get welfare for my maternity leave. 600 a month and food stamps. It’s only temporary until baby is 6 months to be able to go to daycare so I can go back to work. I have a lot of bills like car ins credit cards etc. so I would depend on him for majority of the help towards these bills. We had a lot of problems in the past with him cheating. I ask myself should I care you know? But he made promises he wasn’t cheating and wouldn’t hurt me again. Blah blah blah.

Yea ok.

Something told me to check his phone. I did. Lo and behold. He was on dating sites. He was emailing girls back and forth. All his call logs deleted. No unusual texts. He was hiding it all from me since June 2019!!! It didn’t surprise me but I woke him up crying asking him what this was. It was a picture of Natasha. His favorite. How do I know?

Hmmm. Their conversations were ongoing from June til oct. I didn’t see anything more recent. But I’m thinking he’s just hiding it. I smushed the phone in his face. He gets up and starts stuttering when I ask him who is she and have u been cheating. I slapped him. I was about to get up and walk away when he slapped me back like 10 times, started choking me and banging my head on the wall. I swear I seen my life flash before my eyes and all I could think of was my kids and my unborn baby boy he was on top of. He immediately stopped maybe thinking he was killing me cuz he was. I’m thinking this is it. He’s finally gonna kill me and end my pain and suffering once and for all. But he didn’t. He got up packed his stuff and left. Guess what? Now he’s texting me he’s sorry. This was a pattern that I thought he broke but came back instantly and unexpectedly. There’s no way I’m taking him back. Even if he just slapped me once....naw. He deserved it. I have been loyal and gave him four kids all my love his jobs hooked up his resumes and made him sophisticated from the ghetto. To be cheated on lied to and abused. I just don’t know when to get the divorce. It’s so hard to get around. I’m 32 weeks and it’s been a very hard pregnancy. I just need some friends. To be myself again and be happy. I have my beautiful children a nice home I’m grateful. I guess some people never change. I gave him so many chances. He’s changed me as a person. Now I need to get away from him. How have you ladies done it? I know divorces are very hard on the kids.