Losing my virginity at 14 years old, and what I’ve learned

Let’s just start this off with two things. I am in no way saying that young girls should have sex. Being sexually active at such a young age can cause a lot of emotional damage and most young teens aren’t ready for the consequences. Most of the girls that make the decision I did end up regretting it in the future. Second thing I want to get out of the way is that I know that I am going to be shamed for this, and I want to make sure everyone realizes that I’m not forcing anyone to agree with my actions. I understand disagreement.

I’ll make this part as brief as I can, but when I was 12 I met a boy through Instagram. He lived over 2,000 miles away, but we became best friends in a matter of days and soon enough we started texting and FaceTiming constantly. I was insecure about my age, so I told my followers that I was 14 so that they wouldn’t unfollow me for being young. (I had a skateboarding account) When we became friends, I told myself everyday that I would tell him the truth... but I was scared I would lose the only friend that seemed to care about me. As I was lying, we started to like each other more and more over a course of half a year. I was mature for my age so it wasn’t hard to believe that I was the age I said I was. He was 16 and I was 13 when I finally told him the truth. I loved him, and I knew if I waited any longer it would break his heart. I thought that telling him would end things between us, and it was so hard to tell him because of that reason. He forgave me quickly, but made sure that I realized our age difference would prevent us from meeting each other and having a relationship. I accepted that, because I knew that I was completely in the wrong. I was heartbroken from my own actions, and I learned a huge lesson from that experience.

We were so used to sleeping on the phone and talking all day, that we continued doing it. We still talked about saving up our money to meet each other, but it was always a sad discussion. We still loved each other but my age, my lie, and our distance were in the way. He tried to date a girl he liked at school, but their relationship only lasted a few weeks because he couldn’t get me out of his head. He felt guilty for liking a 13 year old, and I accepted that knowing it was my fault. September 16th, 2016 he made the decision to have a relationship with me, and ever since then we have been together.

He was respectful unlike many other 16 year old males dating younger females. He didn’t use me. On top of that, he acted a little bit younger than his age and I acted older than my own... so it was a good balance.

We FaceTimed constantly and knew everything about each other, we had no issue talking about personal things with each other.

Pretty soon we saved up enough money for plane tickets, and by then I was about to turn 14. We discussed whether or not we were going to have sex. I bought condoms just in case and we talked about the possibilities of pregnancy. The laws in my state say that people aged 14 can consent to anyone under 5 years older than them, so we discussed that as well. He came here for a week, and we did end up losing our virginities together at the end of his visit. I had no worries that I wasn’t ready and neither did he because we were very comfortable around each other. It was actually a great experience, and almost 3 years later, I don’t regret it yet. It wasn’t pressured, it wasn’t rushed, nor was it done in a way to make our relationship better. We both mutually decided we wanted to do it, and we knew we were ready. I remember him telling me that he will love me even if we wait for years.

As he came back a few more times to visit, I ended up getting on the birth control pill just to make the chances of getting pregnant go down less. But that didn’t stop us from having a plan in case it did happen. My mom didn’t know that I was sexually active, but his mom was aware and open to discussing it with us.

I don’t regret any part of losing my virginity at a young age, because I believe that I was emotionally ready for it. I was also in a good relationship which was also very important. But I do feel judged when I tell other people, that’s understandable though.

I am still with him to this day, and he moved a lot closer to me. (He is actually renting an apartment next door) And although we are sexually active, we have never had sex excessively. It’s always been about once a month/visit.

But even after all of this do I believe that you should wait until an older age to have sex than I did, because I feel like I had a rare exception. The truth is, most 14 year old girls are not emotionally capable of such a grown up action. But if you feel that you are ready, and you’re not being pressured, go for it.

If you read all the way through, thanks. And once again, I totally understand disagreement.. but if you have something to say please say it as respectfully as you can :)