Missed my chance.

Me and my husband have been trying to conceive for over a year and 4 months and nothing. I went to the doctor (my doctor, not fertility doctor) and ran some tests for hormones and thyroid and everything came back fine. Did a pap smear as well, came back fine. Then my doctor referred me to a fertility doctor in which I didn’t go for because I want to try naturally really hard first. We took a break for a while because I was so stressed out about his family and their drama. We’ve decided we were going to really try hard for the next three months in which includes, herbs Accupunture, preseed and I’m actually going to test ovulation consistently. Well, I tested the for about 5 days and came back negative and I finally had my smiley face for ovulation. I told him about it and he said got it! Fast forward, I get home, eat, shower, get in bed.. and he’s busy eating chips so I didn’t want to bother him to baby dance. I was waiting for the right moment... I then, accidentally fell asleep. Well, I woke up this morning at 6 am to use the bathroom and I’m like okay, let’s baby dance before he goes to work! I put preseed in, attempting to touch him and I do but he wakes up, gets up and checks what time it is and goes back to lay and says “ baby not too hard okay I have to pee” I’m like you were just up and didn’t go pee... ( he always does this) and anyways, point is, I was just watching tv waiting for him finally get up and use the bathroom but instead he gets up use the bathroom, cuts his hair, play on his phone... DO everything but not lay on the bed. So alright I’m just like fuck it at this point because he probably didn’t remember it was important to baby dance. Anyways, it was close to time he has to go to work and he gets dressed and I thought I was okay... but I broke down..... I just done so much on my end, I literally take 6 herbs in the morning 6 herbs at night that my acupuncturist gave to me. I literally test everyday, I do everything and I feel like the one 24 hours i needed him, he forgot. He then tells me, he truly forgot and it wasn’t meant to be that way... and we’ll be okay... and that I know we would be okay. I said no we’re not okay because we’ve been trying for so long and nothing and all my life, when I was younger I was pretty reckless with my exes that I’ve been with for 2-3 years and never wore protection and still never had a pregnancy scare so I know somethings wrong. He tells me it’s just because I want it now... I told him that’s not the reason why I’m trying so hard for the next three months. I don’t care if I DONT end up pregnant for the next three months but at least I can tell my fertility doctor when I decided to FINALLY make an appointment that I DID everything right. But 1 month of consistent trying has gone to waste. He just doesn’t get it because he has kids of his own already and never had to try so hard for them. I just wish he understood more, and know the true struggle for me. Anyways, I don’t even want to try anymore because I feel like I’m the only one that really wants it, and he’s just there for me but not fully as he tells me “ I just want it now” which is not true. I am just scared of infertility. And it’s sooo different for him because he already had 2 Kids. I guess this is me giving it all up because of all the efforts I do is not worth the little effort he does. I’m not mad at him at all because I know we both don’t want this the same. I’m just really sad. Because I know if he didn’t already have 2 and wanted kids already he would try just as hard as I am.