The devil is working on me

I’ll try to make this informative with making it super long. I’ve been seeing a counselor to help me work through some abuse I have from my mom in my past. I’ve been talking to her about how there’s things I have a lot of guilt for now that I’ve become a Christian. Like there are a lot of people I’ve held grudges towards and I’ve felt like reaching out to them might help me heal. She said that there wasn’t a problem with that and it would be helpful for me.

Okay, with that backstory here’s my question. I became friends with an ex from my teenage years named James. We’re both Christians and he was one of the people I held a grudge against. We only dated for a month and he said one he just didn’t like me the same. He was a few years older than me and worked with my mom. I feel like she played a big part in that because they were friends. Plus a lot of my exes have told me that it was her that drove them away from me in our relationships.

Anyways, James says that he’s a Christian and very close to God. We became good buddies quickly as he is a stay at home Dad. I found out we have so many similar interests still and our lives worked out so similar. We both got engaged within 6 months of one another and our wedding anniversaries are 6 months apart to the day. When I met my husband, James asked me to go out again 2 days after we were official. I had said no because I was cautious. James is just like me, fit and active. Both our spouses have no interest. Lol. With everything is our lives lining up so well I keep thinking “what if?” My counselor says this is a normal reaction to look back on things in life and wonder.