Not sure where to put this, but some advice would be appreciate. I’m 23, was born in NJ then moved to NY (upstate) when I was ten. I spent most of my childhood that I could physically remember there. Made some amazing friends and met my best friend. At 19.5 I moved to Florida and it was horrible. I only went cause my family wanted to moved and I couldn’t stay with anyone at the time.

However while being down here I met my boyfriend. We’ve together a little over 3 years now. We decide a couple month ago that this May we will be moving to NY (upstate not the city) and moving in with my best friend of ten years and here boyfriend who I’ve known since they started dating 6 years ago. I love her and her boyfriend dearly and my bf has likes them as well.

I haven’t told my parents yet. They are very financially unstable and extremely irresponsible with money (eat out when broke to expensive restaurants, spending money on online shopping and Juuls instead of food, and more.) They always ask me for money which make its hard to to save as I work 50 hours a week with two jobs at 9$ an hour each. My dad is also mentally and emotionally abusive and has anger issues. My mom is a pathological liar. My younger brother who is 21 lives here with us as well and they’ve financially manipulated him into giving them all of his money. He had over 2000$ just two months ago and now he has zero (mind you the only expense he has to pay is two small household bills and his phone.)

I’ve been giving them money since I was 16, and don’t get me wrong I don’t mind helping out but I’ve given them thousands of dollars, literally.

I fear shit will hit the fan when I tell them I’m leaving, I think they have the notion I would live here and support them for a few years but I’m not. I graduated college, I have solid experience, I’m in a very happy and stable relationship. I’m ready to leave. I do not always feel happy or safe in my home. I’m always on edge, I’m tired/depressed and I feel suffocated constantly. This environment isn’t good.

I planned on telling them maybe a few weeks before moving when we have the actual date in May. I planned to have my boyfriend tell them with me, but I’ve also considered tell them sooner to let them know that I can’t give them all this money, I’m trying to save because the sooner I have this money the faster I can leave. I fear the criticism they will give me for wanting to go to NY. What would you do or say? I debate every night in my head what should i do. I just don’t see how this will end with me not getting put down or without them having aggressive behavior towards me.

TL;DR: I’m trying to move out of my house to live with my bff and my long term bf in her house in NY, the state I used to live in before I lived in Florida. I have mentally/emotionally abusive parents and fear the backlash so I haven’t broke the news and I was wondering if anyone had advice on how to do it.