yes, i hate myself. theres basically nothing i can do to change my mind. my life isnt my life anymore. im not even in high school and my life is already sorted out by other people.

im supposedly going into the air force to be a fighter pilot, if i wasnt that i would supposedly be a neurosurgeon, and when i had those expectations put on me. i changed. i now no longer care if i live, hell, sometimes i want to kill myself because i just want to be free of everything. but i know i could never do it because im a coward.

im so tired of trying. but at the same time i want to keep making people happy, i dont know what to do anymore.

thanks for reading this and letting me get this off my chest.