Terrified

Ana • 💑 ttc since Dec 18

So following nurses advice means I need to take a pregnancy test tomorrow to confirm a chemical pregnancy. Tiny part of me is still hoping for a bfp. I know deep down it wont happen tomorrow. This will be my 4th chemical/miscarriage. I only ever had 1 pregnancy reach 12 weeks and I was bullied into an abortion. I am now more or less convinced I will never have another healthy one. I ttc for a year and got knowwhere. Stopped for a few months got a chemical. Do I go for tests??? Sorry to unload I'm just struggling to make sense of everything.