I'm 18 in 51 days and I'm in HELL I dont really wanna go over all the absolute childish bull shit that has happened with my co dependent ass mother (whom I really do love she is just ALOT)

and the police I had to call when she almost broke my hand and tried to get my brother to beat my boyfriend in our front yard.

But since this year has started my mother has crushed down on me like 10 tons of desperate, she does not wanna let me go I'm 'abandoning her' 'changed since you got a boyfriend' 'you wont make it 18 is not a magic number'

YEAH! NO FUCKIN SHIT IT AINT!!

I have been picking the peices of my mother up off the floor since I was 13 the night my dad left her a suicidal mess on her bathroom floor, I was left to protect my 9 year old sister from hearing my mother say she has nothing left to live for and how she wants to die.

And that went on for 6 years now!

Divorced twice, moved us around like luggage 5-6 times left me to homeschool myself and my sister who is a HANDFULL and help her with what ever the fuck her crisis is this week all while I have to be her best friend, daughter, and some twisted up version of her helper parent BUT I am to NEVER say anything about that I have done nothing according to her and if I even hint that mabye I have done the idk EVERYTHING (except work she does earn the money which I'm well aware is HARD) im disrespectful.

So now after getting myself through traumatizing period cysts and vomit inducing cramps when I was 14-17 and getting myself through a eating disorder(still working on that one), getting myself healthy(overweight bad), teaching myself how to get myself through panic attacks, depression, and ADULTS bulling me, she wants to say now that I have a bestfriend who I fell in love with and is now my boyfriend (he helped with the adults bullying me one was his mother and our principal) she wants to say I have 'lost my fire' 'aren't independent like before'.

YOU MEAN IM NOT LETTING GUYS USE ME AND PARTYING EVERYNIGHT MOM??????

she is mad ass hell I'm financially stable and getting a apartment not that she didn't try to stop that from happening she is mad and telling me why it will never happen that I'm just like her that she said all this too she thought she knew everything too.

I just 🙃.

I want someone.

Anyone.

Tell me I'm doing okay.

I'm not a fuck up.

I'm doing my best here I have been a mom to my sister for 6 years.

been through 2 nasty divorces of my moms.

had straight A's my whole life.

I just want to NEED too know from any mom out there, I'm doing okay.

I'm so tired I'm only 18.

I feel like I have lived a lifetime.

I dont know why i posted this i just needed to idk rant or just say this somewhere other than in my own head like i do daily.

I just had to get it out.

If you read this I'm sorry lol I probably sound like a brat or a bitch or idk just ignore this rant.