I'm not going to lie, I wasn't expecting not being able to become mother. It was something that was always a given. Get married. Have babies. Watch those babies grow and eventually have babies of their own. Finding out that this was no longer my path in life is hard, but not hard in the way I thought it would be. Yes, the original shock of finding out my husband and I cannot have children because of a genetic abnormality was rough. You cant prepare yourself for something as unexpected as genetic infertility. But more than the original shock, it's been harder to come to terms with the fact that the plans I had always just assumed to be true, were no longer true. Even though we were both on the fence about having kids when we got married, it was still something that I was planning on happening in the back of my mind. Because that's what was supposed to happen and now we didn't have the option. Years of making private baby registries, picking out baby names with my mom, and planning the eventual move into a bigger home to accommodate our family was now gone. Everytime a pregnancy announcement comes across on social media, it comes with such an overwhelming sense of guilty sadness. Sad for obvious reasons, but guilty because I'm upset and not immediately happy, although still happy, not as happy as the rest of the world.

But just because I will never be a mother to my own children shouldn't mean my husband and I can't be happy. The journey is not going to be what we expected, however the change in plans has brought us closer. We can (and do) appreciate the neices and nephews we are blessed enough to call ours, and love them unconditionally. We can learn to appreciate the things we have and the peace we are afforded. We can do many things we wouldn't be able to or been delayed in doing had we been blessed with children. I am choosing to reframe our situation. I am choosing to stand by my husband. I am choosing to be stronger than infertility.