UPDATE: ok now I’m super confused because if you read the comments people seem to have opposite views of this situation!! It seems like some people are more tolerant of lying than others. As some background, this is not at all out of character for Dana. I’ve never really caught her in a lie to me before, but she makes excuses to other people all the time and always has. She seems to have matured in a lot of other ways, though. I also, like I said, am guilty of making excuses. I guess I’m just confused about why some people can put up with this and why some can’t. Some people have friends who would never dream of lying to them, and others are fine with it.... I feel like for my own peace of mind I’d rather not make a big deal out of this and move on. She’s been a good friend for so long, and our friendship has gone through different phases. Sometimes we’re really close, other times life gets in the way. I’d rather stay friends but bear in mind her faults. I have other friends I can trust. Maybe that’s a ton of BS but nobody’s perfect.

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Something happened between me and one of my best friends and I can’t stop thinking about it. Maybe I’m being crazy or over dramatic. Or maybe I’m just realizing I deserve better? Or maybe she does.

I’ve been friends with her (let’s call her Dana) for over ten years. I’m 23 and she’s 24. I recently moved back to our home town where I have my family and a handful of old friends to spend time with. I wouldn’t say I’m lonely, but my social life isn’t as happening as it was in college. I think that’s normal for this time in life. I also broke up with my college boyfriend about a month ago. Anyway, my friend from out of state moved in with me this past weekend. In an attempt to introduce her to new people/my town, I invited her to come to my weekly Bachelor viewing dinner party that I have with Dana on Monday nights. It’s not a solid plan that’s set in place, but every weekend we check in with each other and say something like “are we still on for Monday night bachelor?” My new roommate was excited to meet her, and I was happy to have her meet my good friend. Well, Monday morning my friend asked to reschedule. I was a little bummed but I said sure. Then in an attempt to show that I care, I asked if everything was ok. She said yes but she was a little sick and thought she should go to bed early. Later that night I walked home from work and passed by a local restaurant around 7:45 (15 minutes before we would have started watching the bachelor). And who did I see in the window table with her boyfriend and some other people? Dana. Not sick.

I’m also guilty of occasionally making lame excuses if I don’t think I’m going to get caught, but this hurt me to be on the receiving end. I’m not sure why she felt the need to lie. Maybe she realized she had double booked herself and didn’t know how to explain it so she thought she’d tell a white lie to get off easy. Or maybe this plan popped up and she decided she’d have more fun at a restaurant with other people than she would with me. Anyway, I wasn’t sure if I should tell my roommate about it because I was pretty humiliated. I decided to tell her because I don’t want to establish a relationship with her where I feel like I need to impress her. She was understanding and supportive, but I still feel embarrassed and hurt. It was like “welcome to my city come meet my best friend! Oh wait my best friend lies to my face to get out of hanging out with me...”

On the one hand I feel like I’m asking too much of Dana. While I’ve moved around the past few years and have come back into town at random times and she will make an effort to see me whenever I do, it’s understandable that she’s made her own life here and that I can’t demand to be her priority all the time. Especially because she now has a boyfriend and a fulltime job. But on the other hand, I don’t really want to have a friend who can’t be honest with me. I’m not sure if I should bring it up with her or sweep it under the rug and accept that our relationship has changed. What would you do? Thanks