He isn’t talking to me

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years . we’re both 23 and still live with our parents because we’re currently saving for a place .

Anyway we constantly get into fights bc he doesn’t have boundaries with his family . We had plans for Valentine’s Day and he canceled them because his dad randomly decided to redo their kitchen himself even though he has no clue how to . He’s making my boyfriend help him which is fine but bc he has no idea what he’s doing it’s Gunna take him forever to finish it ... in other words my bf is basically gunna be doing that w his dad .

This is a constant thing the past 4 years someone in his family has some bs they need fixed or some dramatic dilema they can’t handle. For example when we’re about to leave to go somewhere they suddenly need him to go do shit..

We constantly cancel things with our friends and including a vacation we had planned .

This last fight I told him his dad is being stupid gutting a kitchen when he has no clue how to redo it himself and that he should hire someone or get someone to help him that actually knows what their doing ... anyway my boyfriend took this as me calling his dad stupid and told me he won’t speak to me unless I apologize .. which I won’t bc I didn’t do anything wrong . He also said “ you’re just my girlfriend I don’t care “ .. which made me feel like shit for wasting the past 4 years of my life w a guy who thinks I’m just a chick he’s dating ...

He hasn’t spoken to me since yesterday so it’s been like a day . We usually speak to each other constantly through out the day so it feels weird ... but I’m constantly the one apologizing and chasing him . He basically gives me the silent treatment whenever I stand up for myself or when I have a problem with something .

I don’t want to be the one to contact him this time .. Am i doing the right thing ?

Edit : he lives with his parents . I live with my mom . Q

180 views • 3 upvotes • 7 comments

COMMENT (7)

Vi

Posted at
Don’t apologize. My boyfriend and I’s relationship is almost identical to yours.. So, I know exactly how you’re feeling, you love him, you’ve put so much into this relationship and you feel like he’s thrown you to the side for his family... yet again. My suggestion: use the 3- day rule. If he doesn’t reach out in three days, as hard as it may be, you need to move on for your own sake. You must be a priority. Good luck girl... I hope he apologizes for saying such a harsh thing and hopefully makes an effort to make up valentines day to you.
Don’t apologize. My boyfriend and I’s relationship is almost identical to yours.. So, I know exactly how you’re feeling, you love him, you’ve put so much into this relationship and you feel like he’s thrown you to the side for his family... yet again. My suggestion: use the 3- day rule. If he doesn’t reach out in three days, as hard as it may be, you need to move on for your own sake. You must be a priority. Good luck girl... I hope he apologizes for saying such a harsh thing and hopefully makes an effort to make up valentines day to you.

Ja

Posted at
I think you are doing the right thing. He basically has said his family is more important by telling you that you are just his girlfriend. I mean come on you have been together 4 years. I would hope that long you would mean more. I would question if he will always be like this even if you get married. Just something to think about. He needs to know he needs to make you a priority as well.

G.

Posted at
This may not be the guy for you. Family is one of the biggest problem in relationships. Them choosing their family over you, them interfering in your life, them interfering with your children, how you raise your children, making your life hell, making you feel horrible about yourself, coming between you and your husband your name. This may be God sparing you the heartache down the road. Soooo many respects flags here. Sounds like you are collecting them like they are a dozen roses and you need to wake up the reality that you deserve better.

Va

Posted at
4 years seems pretty long to be “just a girlfriend” other people get married after a year. There’s nothing wrong with helping out family. But this seems too much. I don’t think you should apologize. I also don’t think he sees you in his future.Wait it out. I know it’s hard but don’t message him. Especially if you’re the one constantly apologizing. I guess you could say he’s kinda spoiled in that department cause he’s used to you crawling back to him even if he’s the ass.If he sees nothing wrong with this and won’t apologize I would leave. Like I said, you don’t seem to be in his future plans at all

🧸

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But like I feel like he’s lying. Have you talked to his dad. I’ve been with my BD for 4 years I would be calling his mother on Vday asking if he was home with her doing the things he said he was doing. Period on period. If you don’t have that type of relationship where you could pop into the ‘kitchen’ to see what’s going on then I think it’s time to leave anyway. I’ve had my fair shares of ups and down tbh but open communication with him and his parents would be key to me. If we’re not at that point and never have been and you know how important family is to him then I would rethink things. Also check in one your man girl , you might find he’s not where he says he is.

Be

Posted at
I’d make it clear that our relationship needs to be a priority or I’m out. You’re not “just a girlfriend”. He should be telling them no for certain things so he can do stuff with you. He can want to do stuff for and with his family but he needs to find a balance.

K�

Posted at
He don’t care you’re just a girlfriend? You’re always apologizing? He ignores you till you admit you’re wrong? He sounds CHILDISHHH girl you seem wayyyyy tooooooo good for him. You should just leave him with his parents and find somebody mature and knows to communicate