I need to vent. My ex and I are hardly on speaking terms. He’s made some very bad life choices, broke our family and is now saying this is all based off of love and respect for one another which I believe is just not true and toxic. Not to mention breaking up when I’m 5.5 months pregnant.

Today is my anatomy scan and I invited him because I believe that you just shouldn’t miss some things having to do with your kid. So I’m trying to be the bigger person, and allow him to be there.

Here’s the kicker, I am so upset and anxious for today. Not to see him. But the hurt he’s put me through. The last time I saw him I was driving away from the house we shared and moving out. I’m also just not excited for this baby which makes me feel so guilty because I lost a pregnancy earlier last year. I just have not had the opportunity to be excited about this little girls arrival. I feel guilty as a mom, as a patient to my doctor. I plan on giving the doctor the information as a precaution because I haven’t been eating enough, drinking enough, the whole emotional depression. Asking to go on medication for my anxiety because I’m not sleeping. I’ve been seeing a therapist and a couples therapist with my ex and he’s just been lying to the both of us this entire time.

I just needed to get all of that out there. This has been the worst period of my life, and I am not just exaggerating. I can’t get any lower.