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Your child, your decision. I believe that telling him why is way better than saying “because I said so”. My parents told me when we were short on money and yes it did stress me out but I grew up knowing how to spend money correctly and how to live off of nothing. I learned the value of money really quick. My husband grew up with money and literally spent so much in the first few years of our relationship and only just learned recently how to save and spend correctly. I say it’s your choice not theirs. What does your husband think?
Wrong to tell kids about financial situation?
So recently we’ve been having a relatively hard time financially. My husband (and hundreds of other employees)was laid off back in October when I was 37 weeks pregnant. My husband took the first job that was offered to him because I was on bed rest and he knew we couldn’t go long without any income.
So my husband went from making $30 hourly to $13 hourly.We are now a family of 4 (My husband, myself and our 2 children) so money is super tight.
The other day we were grocery shopping and my 8 year old asked for a toy, I told him not today. About 20 minutes go by and he asks again, so I say,” I told you no.” Another 20 minutes goes by and he asks,” how come you never buy me anything anymore?”
So I told him that right now we are tight on money, that we have enough money to buy food and pay our bills but once we get a little extra I don’t mind coming back and buying him a cheap toy.
Later that day we went to see my mother & her boyfriend, and my older sister happened to be there. For whatever reason my son told them all what I’d said at the store and they all got angry with me. They said that I shouldn’t be telling him about our financial situation, and that kids shouldn’t have that kind of stress put on them. That I should have just told him no, and not to ask again that I shouldn’t have given him an explanation.
I don’t agree with that, I’ve never agreed with “Because I said so” parenting and I don’t think what I told my child was wrong.
I didn’t tell him that if I bought him a toy our power would be shut off, or that we barley have enough money to pay rent. (Neither of those apply to us just examples)
So is it wrong to inform children of situations such as ours or is it ok so long as you don’t go into details? Or is it just wrong in general?
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You handled it perfectly. Kids aren't dumb, and they don't automatically understand finances when they move out. You assured him that your home life is stable, at the same time teaching him that sometimes there isn't enough money for frivolous items. It will also teach him to be more thankful for what he does have.
I was always poor "paycheck to paycheck" growing up and knew it. I didn't know all the details. But I got the same "we can't afford that right now/we don't have the money/were tight on money" when I wanted toys, extra clothes, etc. I was also taught couponing, budgeting, making a grocery list and sticking to it, off brands vs name brands, shopping by unit price and not by actual cost, finding which stores are cheapest, etc. And I plan to teach all my kids the same. And they will get the same lines I did if I'm in that situation. You definitely don't need to over tell them and be like "Hey Billy we might lose out housr because we can't pay the mortgage." Keep that to yourself, because that can put unnecessary stress on them (especially if you don't lose the house they may stress for months to years past when you're financially OK). But things like "were saving money. We're tight on money. We can't afford that right now." Are fine to me.
As someone who grew up pretty damn poor I'm on the fence with this one. My parents sometimes talked about their finances in a very "woe is me" way that was very confusing and painful for a child. Like, they made it very apparent that a lot of their problems came from a lack of money. It placed a lot of guilt and burden on my shoulders at a very young age But they also sometimes talked about it in a matter of fact way - "no, we cant afford this toy," (so basically the same scenario as yours) and that never bothered me. Especially as I got older I liked being aware of their financial situation because I didnt want to create an undue burden for them by asking for something they couldnt afford.
La
Yess I agree with this ^
I may have worded more in “mommy and daddy budget our money so we have what we need for bills and food.. a toy is not in the budget right now, maybe next month.” My kids are 10,8,6 so they understand this ... some times they can get a treat and sometimes we don’t eat out for a month to save money for bigger better things.. kids need to hear no. And they deserve answers as to why as well. Because I said so is such a power trip and i hate it.
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