The last year and some change has been an interesting one for me. I haven’t posted anything about this anywhere but I thought maybe I would get some sort of.....idk, support or something?

I was in a relationship with a guy for six and a half years. I was planning on marrying this man, having kids, and downloaded this app to work on tracking my periods so I could know when the best time to get pregnant would be. Needless to say, he dumped me, brought home some strippers to sleep with, kept said stripper around and travelled to Reno with her but swears they didn’t sleep together. This all happened over 2019. The entire year.

Of course I was hurt. Shattered even, and spent a good portion of time really depressed and sad and feeling worthless. After all this time he does this?!

While I was going through these emotions, I learned who my friends were, and I had a rally of people behind me. One of those friends was a guy from my work; we will call him Roc. He was so kind to me, having been married for 17 years and recently divorced, he was helping me work through my crazy emotions.

At first, we were just friends. But after 10 months of having being put through the ringer (we are talking being ignored for days then being talked to nonstop, parameters being out on what I can or cannot do during the “time apart,” making me believe we were back together before telling me that we were still broken up, etc.) things developed.

One night while out with a group of coworkers, he was trying to stop me from driving home, because I was obviously drunk. Reno had happened two weeks before and I was holding back my anger, my feelings of betrayal, and tried putting a smile on my face to try and be the “good girl” for the man I was in love with. But I was reeling from the betrayal and hurt. Roc was trying to convince me not to drive, took my purse, and my keys, and was yelling at me that I’m really important. I wasn’t listening so he did the one thing he could think of to stop me: he kissed me.

That kiss opened the door. We started to sleep together and have been having sexual for five months now. And he’s pretty incredible. So generous. So kind. And his kindness was blowing my mind it was shocking to me to see how I responded to simple courtesy.

My ex and I have been on again off again trying to work on our relationship. I don’t trust him, I am worried he will go after another cheap whore when he gets bored or feels “unhappy” just like he did here, and although he’s claiming to be ready to marry me and have kids with me, will he kick me out and do this again with children?

I’m writing all of this because I’ve been a down right ho these last few months, and I haven’t really talked about this with anyone. Just my friends who helped me through this. And I guess I’m just wanting to hear from other people.