I have a huge fear/ anxiety that someone is going to die soon.

When my mother was pregnant for me my father committed suicide. He had left a note for himself and my mother. My mother refused to go with him that night and he killed just himself but fully intended to also kill my mother. I grew up knowing this.

Next comes my first pregnancy. My favorite cousin was killed in a car wreck when I was about 20ish weeks along.

Next pregnancy, my son’s grandmother (whom I loved dearly although her son and I didn’t get along and split) passed away when I was 21 weeks.

So here I am turning 20 weeks today and I’m starting to have nightmares and panic attacks in my sleep. I just hate to think that something bad always happens when I’m pregnant but as you can tell I don’t have the best track record. I’m thinking about speaking with my doctor about my anxiety but I won’t mention all of the above in fear of sounds insane. Just needed to vent for a minute. I’m an over thinker 😫