I had a vaginal delivery 2 months ago. I had an episiotomy and I also tore upwards to my clit. Had lacerations inside of my canal that also needed stitches. I didn’t have sex before I could or anything. But a week or so after birth I realized I was kind of scared to wear a tampon. Then I found out I wasn’t supposed to anyways and was relieved. I did engage in sexual activity with my boyfriend but only oral and I realized my vagina wasn’t quite the same anymore. The things he did that I liked didn’t feel the same anymore and it just felt like my vagina was rearranged and I no longer knew “where everything was” and neither did he. It honestly made intimacy frustrating for me for the following weeks because we had to figure it all out but I couldn’t help him because I didn’t know either. Fast forward to after my appointment where I was “cleared”. Afterwards we talked and I decided I wasn’t ready but I did want to start out small and work my way through it. And when it came down to him putting a finger, I flipped out and was anxious and freaking out for a whole 10 minutes TERRIFIED about him putting one small finger. When we finally decided to only put the finger, no thrusting or anything, I was still terrified and I literally began to sob over the fear. It did not hurt at all and it was very slow, but I was just completely terrified about it. Sobbed over one small finger entering. Is this even normal? Will I ever be able to have sex normally? Has this ever happened to someone else?