Hi all just looking for some advice I really believe I’m cursed. My grandparents and parents have passed away and I don’t really have anyone to talk to so here’s my story sorry in advance for it’s a bit long. So in dec 2012 I had my first son stillborn at 32 weeks and no cause was ever found as to why the only thing noted was severe IUGR In June 2017 I had my rainbow daughter after emergency c section (my mother in law works in theatres so was able to pull a few strings and get me a specialised scan and she also had IUGR she was delivered the next morning weighing 2lb) then 2019 I got pregnant again and as soon as I knew it was a boy I started panicking telling the consultant he was going to die they promised me he wouldn’t at 28weeks he was also diagnosed with IUGR and at 30 weeks I begged them to deliver they gave me steroid injections and sent me home November 05th I seen my consultant she promised me everything was going to be ok November 09th at 32 weeks I gave birth to another stillborn son. The hospital are investigating and adamant they did everything correct they referred me to mental health at 27 weeks because I was adamant something bad was going to happen and they said it was my anxiety but I knew he wasn’t going to make it I don’t know how I just did. There’s no genetic reason there is no medical reason for my 2 boys passing they all had IUGR and it was ignored each time. I’m so desperate for my daughter to not be an only child. I just don’t know why it keeps happening to me and I can’t understand how the hospital can ignore me. I want a baby so bad and at the same time I can’t bury another baby. Anyone else had anything similar? I’ve just turned 30 and feel like I’m too old to wait around I think I’ve aged too much mentally with all the stress over the years and don’t know how to even feel my age anymore.

Tia x

EDIT: I had hyperemsis gravidarium with all 3 pregnancies they say this isn’t linked but I’m not so sure anymore