Can you be friends with someone you HAD feelings for?

Question

Let's say you stopped talking to that person and got over them. Now that your feelings are gone, do you reach back out to them and try to be platonic friends or do you leave them be?

Answer

I can’t do it. I worked with a guy that I had a HORRIBLE crush on, and even when I made it really obvious that I liked him, he didn’t get the memo. I broke my feelings out of self-preservation. 
Even though I’m in a perfect, loving relationship now, I still struggle from time to time with the idea of that past crush, especially when I see the guy in passing. Despite wanting to be very distant friends, I think completely avoiding him is the only thing I can do.

Answer

Really depends on the situation. I’m still friends with a guy I used to have a giant crush on. We went on a couple dates, made out on two separate occasions, but that was it. Probably would have been a relationship if it wasn’t for him going to school far away (we were in college at the time). But we stayed friends, talked all the time and saw each other a handful of times every year, whenever we were home. He was my “what if” guy for a while, even after I met my husband. I had tons of toxic intrusive thoughts about him honestly, like wondering what would’ve been, and after a while of basically self-sabotaging myself by thinking about him, I had to stop talking to him for a while. It only took like 6 months of not talking to him, and not seeing him for about a year, and then I feel like it all went away and everything got better. I definitely don’t have those feelings for him anymore and I don’t wonder what could’ve been. We’re not as close as we used to be, but we’re very much friends. He was at my wedding, and he and my husband are friends now too.
So basically, yes, I do think you can be friends with them, but only if you’re ACTUALLY 100% over them. And that includes being 100% over the idea of them too (which yes, is sometimes a different thing).

Answer

Leave them be. What’s the point in reaching out? And then who’s to say when and if you do end up reaching out that old feelings won’t start rekindling itself?

Answer

If you came into contact naturally, I think you guys could be friends. If you're reaching out, I'm not so sure...

Can you be friends with someone you HAD feelings for?

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