Well I thought we were passed this, but I guess I was just kidding myself. My husband and I had an agreement in the beginning of our relationship. For single men, yes I know porn is just a thing they 'need'. But before we got married, I made it clear that I wanted to be the ONLY person he gets pleasure from. Before, he was in another state serving in the military, but he's been home for almost two years now. And he promised me he would no longer look at porn once he came home. But last night he was showing me something related to sex, and then he starting looking for a video to show me that he said he saw the other day. And I was like "that you saw the other day?🤨". He didn't respond. Acted like he didn't just let that slip out. I immediately backed off like I always do in uncomfortable situations, and now I'm just frustrated that he's been lying about still watching porn. I'm upset because sex has been so painful since I had our baby last year. I'm on medication that's supposed to help, but it's going to take months to show any signs of relief. He's acted so understanding about all this and been working around my pain and holding back his "horn-dog" behavior on my bad days. He does travel for work, but whenever we do have sex or I get him off, he always says stuff like "I've been saving that up for you". So naturally to me, hearing that he's still watching porn is frankly devastating. He knows I feel like anything I do is cheapened if porn is still something he has to have. I made that very clear to him.

So I'm struggling with my medical problems, the physical pain, feeling hideous with my mom bod, and feeling like I'm not doing enough for him. And as it turns out, I'm right about not doing enough. He just refused to admit it to me and went back to his old habits when I could no longer satisfy him.

I don't have the courage to talk this one through with him. I wish I did, but it's just not a conversation I want to have again..

Part of me can't even blame him.. I mean, I've seen what I look like naked now. Who would look at me, a mother of two with all my stretch marks, baggy skin, and extra weight and be turned on?