This is going to sound weird. I went to the bar with a male coworker that I’m good friends with. I’m going to call him jack. I’ve had a crush on jack for awhile, but haven’t told him. We’ve been out together several times, usually with groups of people. This time it was just us because the other two people cancelled. Some guy joined us at our table for the majority of the night, who jack had met one time. The guy mentioned things about doing drugs (in the past) several times. He left about an hour before jack and I left. The last I thing I remember is drinking a water maybe a half hour after the guy left. I should mention, jack and I were quite drunk already.

The next morning I was told (mostly from the bartender, but also from jack) that after drinking the water, jack and I left the bar (it’s in a large building with shared restrooms) and went to the bathrooms. We started kissing then split off to use the bathrooms. When I came back out, I waited for jack in the hall. When he came out, we ended up going in a stall in the men’s room and were making out for a long time. The bartender said when she eventually came in to kick us out, I was on the floor of the stall (she could see me) and jack was fingering me. I was moaning, she said everything she saw seemed consensual. Jack and I then went to my car, and apparently made out in there for awhile too. Jack said he realized I was really fucked up at this point so he helped me to his car (yes I know he shouldn’t have been driving either) and dropped me off at home. He says he only remembers parts of the night, not all of it.

I took a drug test the next morning, it was positive for benzos. I really, really don’t think that jack did it. He suspects that it possibly was the other guy we hung out with. And while I was clearly too drunk/messed up to consent, jack was also very drunk..so I believe that he didn’t intend to do anything that I didn’t want. He was apologetic and said I should go to the police because of the drug test. I don’t want to. Jack said he wouldn’t tell anyone at work and said we could just pretend it didn’t happen if that’s what I wanted. I have a feeling that I may have been the one to initiate things. I don’t really want to find out, and I really don’t want to go to the police because I don’t want to get jack in trouble for this if he didn’t do anything wrong. I’m positive that if he came on to me sober, I would’ve reciprocated.. I’m not sure what to think of it?