Not feeling very hopeful this month :(

Today's 11dpo for me trying to stay positive but still getting negative results on the tests not even a faint line....hate not seeing two lines. kind of had hoped for a Valentine's day suprise for husband. I know people are trying for the first and I feel like I shouldnt be crushed because I have 2 wonderful boys but I am crushed. I'll be 30 next month and I feel like I only have a few more years. I say this because I would really love to keep them to be close in age. My mother had my brother when I was 14 she was 50....and basically I dont know my brother and he doesnt remember me and the fact that our dad and I basically took care of him when our mother just sat on the couch watching tv...I was basically an only child and I personally dont want that for any of my kids...it was very lonely. So every month it just seems like that clock is ticking louder...doesnt help that iv found my first few grays lol