I need some advice from moms to be and moms that have been through this.. this is a long post and I apologize!

My in-laws are, how do I say this nicely, unique individuals. They tend to think of themselves and think everything evolves around them. When my niece was born, they were extremely angry they were not the first to see her but her older brother was. They thought they should have been the first to visit and think they should be the first to visit when I deliver (this will be our first baby and their 4th grand child). They are also the type of people that will go to the hospital when you are in labor and wait around for hours so they can be the first to rush in after the baby comes.

In the delivery room I will have my fiancé and my mom. They know they are not in on the delivery which is okay by them (I’m shocked). My mom, who is a surgical tech in labor and delivery, is there because she is my mom and I trust her to make sure everything is okay. She has told me once the baby comes, she will help get me comfortable and then she will leave us to our bonding time alone. She and my dad have agreed that they will wait until I am ready for them to visit and want for us to be comfortable first. I love that idea!

My in-laws, on the other hand, have already said they will be waiting outside of the room the entire time and want to come in immediately. I’m not comfortable with that at all. The hospital I’m delivering at does have a visitor rule that does not allow anyone for the first hour after delivery and they try to avoid anyone for the first 24 hours but it’s solely moms decision after that first hour. I told my fiancé I would like for them to not wait around the hospital because they won’t be allowed in the room anyway so I think it would be best for them to wait for us to contact them. I don’t see the point of coming and waiting for hours just to leave and not see the baby. He tells me they will be there anyway and there’s no stopping them.

I am a very private person and I’m not comfortable being exposed, bloody, with my girls out when they are around.

I would really prefer they not come at all but I know that isn’t fair if my parents come and they don’t but I want to find a way to tell my fiancé to let them know they can’t arrived unannounced (which they would if they could) and visitors are welcome when I am ready and we tell them I am ready. I would like to tell them to not be surprised if we don’t allow visitors until we are home, just in case. He doesn’t seem to fully understand what it’s like after delivery and wants his parents there right away. How should I go about explaining to him my rules on visitors and his parents to be on the back burner until I am ready?