I have a 5 year old and a 10 month old. I've been absolutely miserable since day 1 of my 10 month olds life. He is an extremely difficult baby and I'm just fucking tired. I cry a lot because I miss just taking a shower when I want or just having an hour of peace or actually having 5 minutes with my 5 year old without a clingy screaming baby. I've never felt very attached to him like I did my first. I rarely get anytime alone without him and havent been able to leave him for longer than 3 hours since he was born. Can I just be sad about having a baby? I just want him to be bigger because I hate the baby stage. I wanted him so badly and now I'm just spending everyday wishing he was 4. He is perfectly taken care of. Does this have to mean I'm depressed? Cant I just hate having a baby?

Edit

Trust me when I say he is getting 99 percent of the attention. My 5 year old is suffering the most. I'm treating them as equally as I can these are just my inside feelings. I feel like I cant even seek therapy because I literally dont have no one to watch my kid. My support system is nonexistent and my husband works all the time and even when he is off he cant handle the baby alone because he is so used to being attached to me 24/7.