For the women who got out of a marriage/ relationship how did you do it?? And even for those who have stayed how did you do it?

Husband and I are high school sweethearts. We have a baby together it’s like I’m in such a tough position because I want my daughter to grow up with her dad. He’s military so if we were to separate I would go back home with our baby and obviously their relationship wouldn’t be the same.

He’s messed up in the past where he broke my trust, Ive been trying to make things work and to give him credit he’s also tried to be better. But if I’m being honest with myself I’m not 100% and that part of me doesn’t trust him. I feel paranoid every time he is on his phone and I don’t want to be the controlling wife I don’t. I hate that I even feel like I can’t trust him fully.

When I do bring up how I feel though he manages to turn things around and bring up any little thing I’ve done and it becomes a full on angry fest. We are schedule to go to a counselor on Monday but also a part of me feels like maybe I deserve to be treated better and that maybe I’m fooling myself and ignoring blatant red flags I’ve ignored for years 🚩 he’s a great dad to our daughter and I do feel guilty/frustrated at myself to doubt him when he does try his best but that part of me is still so hurt I haven’t healed and idk what it will take for me to heal and trust him fully. On top of that I feel like I can’t talk to him about my feelings without him getting mad.