So to start off with this pregnancy has been shitty. Since I was about 9 weeks we havent had a car and cant afford to get one. We're just now caught up on rent and bill and actually have food on the house. Now we just have to wait for our income tax to get in and we're getting a car and things will be a little better..

Now about a week ago my mom came over to my house to smoke with my bf (we all used to smoke weed together it's our thing) well I noticed her eyes were funny. Now my mom has been a druggie all my life, I thought she had maybe taken a speed pill or some shit, no big deal. Well yesterday my sister and her got into a fight and guess what! Shes doing meth! Fucking meth!!! What the fuck! Now she wont tell us where she is, wont talk to anyone besides me and even now shes acting funny. I'm so upset and disappointed. I never ever thought she would sink this low. But I guess I should've seen it coming. Her and my dad split up and shes been hanging with an "ex" addict who she enjoys too much. I'm so hurt and just completely destroyed. I cant concentrate on anything and I've been calling off work. I dont even care anymore I'm just trying to be here for my daughter. I dont ever want to touch drugs in my life (weed is different. But theres a part of me that believes I'm just as bad). I feel like a failure of a parent too and like the stress is going to put me into early labor. I'm so so so in need of a break. This shit isnt cool anymore.

On top of that, we're still very unprepared for Elliots arrival. I'm scared to add another child and I'm scared of failing at everything. Thanks for reading if you did. Maybe if anyone has any experience with having addict parents we can talk or something.