Ok this is a different situation. Please no negative or rude comments. This has really been a struggle for me.

So, my 19 month old girl has been a horrible sleeper pretty much her entire life. We coslept with her in her bassinet next to the bed for the first 4 months and then I transitioned her to her room and crib. Mostly because my husband is a loud snorer and it started to wake her up. I was not really ready, but wanted her to sleep.

Fast forward, through horrible sleep regressions, teething and all the other things. She had a decent 1.5 months right before Christmas that she mostly slept through the night. Maybe waking a couple times a week.

Christmas comes and all of a sudden it’s taking us hours and hours to get her to bed. We rock her to sleep (I have no problem with this) and transfer her to her crib. Then she’s waking at all different times of night. I rock her back to sleep but every time I get up to transfer her she wakes and starts crying for me to stay. This is happening most nights! With maybe a sleep through once a week. I am up sometimes until 4, 5, 6 and even 7am once! I cannot sustain the lack of sleep. This has been worse than having a newborn!

So, I start thinking maybe she’s just a cosleeper baby. I know every baby is different and maybe she just needs that extra security at night. I’m willing to try anything at this point. So, last week we vacationed (daddy stayed home) to visit grandma and I gave bedsharing a try. She fell asleep right away every night. She did wake up one night but it was very easy to get her back to sleep. The rest of the nights she slept through.

So I get home and practically beg my husband to let me put a mattress in her room. I think even making it a floor bed and buying a frame would be great but he is still wanting to use her crib which transitions to a toddler bed. So we settle on putting the mattress in her room. Personally, I’d like to get her to sleep by laying with her, then coming out to spend some time with my husband and going to sleep with him. If she wakes up , I can finish my night sleeping with her.

The problem is that my husband agrees with the second part, but not the laying down with her to get to sleep. So tonight I spend 1.5 hours trying to rock her to sleep. She’s tossing and turning, and anxious...this is typical. For a while I thought she was physically uncomfortable but turns out she was just anxious about me leaving 😩. I finally get her to sleep and she wakes and wails her head off when I try to transfer her. Ugh.

I don’t see what the difference is between me laying with her to get her to sleep or rocking her. This is something I will be saying. I’m just so frustrated because I feel like I’m having to choose between time with my husband and making him happy, or doing what I know my baby needs from me. I wish he would be more understanding, it would really release the guilt I feel over it.

Anyone have similar experiences?

EDIT: we have sleep trained her in the past. Multiple times. It worked for a while and then we would revert back to hours of being awake, crying, screaming and stress for both baby and mama. I do not believe in CIO, and I believe that if a baby isn’t ready to be alone then a baby isn’t ready to be alone. I understand everyone feels differently about cosleeping vs sleep training, but I am not asking for that advice or to be told I need to sleep train. I know my baby best. Also, I should mention she falls asleep on her own in her crib for every nap. She does not lack the skills to fall asleep on her own, but simply doesn’t seem to want to be alone at night and I will not punish her for that.