So I’m always unsure about everything in life even my next meal. I’m struggling with feelings, Depression is always in the shadows of my life lurking behind whatever ever emotion I’m feeling at that moment in life so I feel like I can never completely just live in that moment and be happy because I know if I get to comfortable the lil bitch just waiting on the right moment to to jump out on me and be like peek A Boo guess who hoe now pipe the fuck down. Happiness my Rye has bought so much joy to my life in the last year and 6 months I normally struggle with loving another person but he just makes it so easy and he takes care of me mentally,physically and emotionally. He has the most kindest and beautiful soul. I never thought I’d ever wanna marry anyone but he’s definitely changed that he in courageous me in all walks of life.Tomorrow is valentines and he has to work and it hurts me a little but he’s always showing me unconditional love. Heartache, sometimes I feel like he deserves better and not just me but he reassures me I’m enough. I just lost an uncle to cancer and it’s causing me so much pain till I feel it might lead to a flare. I wasn’t ready I don’t think we’re ever really ready to loose a love one no matter how much we think we have prepared our selfs it still makes it no easier I’m laying here listening to music and drinking it’ll help for the moment but no one in my life knows my pain I constantly hide it behind this smile