My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 2 1/2 years ago. I had just met my future husband at the age of 30. No kids. 2 1/2 years later, my mom lost her hard fought battle. Hanna was born Nov 10. I live in Michigan. My parents split their time between Michigan and Florida. They had gone back down to Florida, but were planning on coming up for the birth. They left in August and mom took a turn for the worse. Knowing she wouldn’t be able to make it for the birth, we planned on taking her down to Florida so mom could meet her. I was advised by my pediatrician to wait until after her 2 month vaccines for air travel. We had our flight booked and trip planned a month prior. On Feb 3, we were 10 minutes from leaving for the airport when I got the call that my mom had passed. 7 hours before we would have gotten there. To meet Hanna was the only reason she was still fighting and putting herself through the tortured of chemo and radiation that ultimately killed her. Devastated is an understatement. Cruel timing. Anger at God. Anger for myself. Anger for Hanna. Anger for my mom. I don’t understand. 7 hours. This would have been so much easier had she died a week or a month prior. Not 7 hours before she was going to meet her grand daughter, all she wanted- for the first time. I have so much guilt. If I would have gotten a sooner flight. A day earlier. This grief is so hard. Hanna keeps me going. But I’m devastated as well when I look at her. She will never know her. I don’t have my mom for advice. I’m just having a hard time right now. I didn’t know where else to turn.