My boyfriend of 4 years drinks plenty of beer. He went from drinking at least 3 beers a night to now at least 5 a night.

On our 1.5 year mark, I mentioned it to him and his response was, “It’s just 3. It’s a men kind of thing to do— men drink beer to wind down. I can’t promise you I’ll cut down. I do not get drunk so I’m not an alcoholic. If you want to see who is an alcoholic, look at my brother.”

OKAY....I get it but I know many men who DON’T drink to wind down. Also, just because you don’t “feel” drunk from 3 or 5 beers a night, doesn’t mean you’re not an alcoholic. I believe if you drink 3 beers a night, you’re really pushing it and if you have 5 a night, that would straight up already label you as an alcoholic. It means you’re drinking 35 beers a week; 140 beers a month; 23 six packs; 12 twelve packs....I’ve done the conversions and the calculations....it’s straight up A LOT.

On the 2nd year I mentioned it again and he has had pretty much the same response(s). More like excuses. Me continuing to be naive and *in love* and patient and accepting and blind, I somehow talked myself into believing that 3 beers a night wasn’t a lot.

Recently, my boyfriend and I have added a glass of wine to our movie nights and / or our special occasions. Today was Valentine’s Day so I thought I’d be romantic and bring home a bottle of wine for us to share and enjoy. We stayed in and watched The Joker (2019 version, pretty good movie in my opinion), and I poured a glass for us to share. I took 3 sips and over time he ended up finishing the rest of the glass to himself. (Keep in mind he also cracked open a beer or two). After the movie finished, I went into the bedroom to do some reading while he stayed out in the living room to watch The Office (also and amazing show by the way)! After a couple hours, I came back out to grab a glass of water and....the entire bottle of wine was gone.

You guys, a few nights ago we had a bottle of moscato that he finished on his own and tonight he finished the rest of the bottle that I only took 3 sips out of!! Plus he had beer! The minute I noticed, I got very disappointed. I mean, that’s really absurd don’t you think? I even asked him if he’s okay...other than using alcohol to “have a great time” I also associate it with coping with being unhappy in life. He says he’s not unhappy with me but he’s stressed out with work. Look, I believe there are beyond many ways to destress yourself. Beer is not the only way...and that is a fact.

Before any of y’all jump to thinking I’m being controlling or lame (because I want to see him drink a lot less alcohol), I am not any of those. I am looking out for him but most importantly I am looking out for myself. I straight up told him that if he is going to continue to be excessive with his beer, I won’t tolerate it. I refuse to further deal with having the burden to be around a boyfriend who drinks as much as he does. This is where I am thankful we don’t have kids yet...seriously...I would not want my kid being around any example like that. This daily routine of 3-5 beers A NIGHT has become very excessive and unattractive to me, and I am not accepting his excuses anymore. I see so many beer cartons accumulate within our trash every week, and when we take out the trash I hear SO MANY glass bottles inside those black 40 gallon Hefty Duty bags. No. I’ve had enough. No more excuses, and no more allowing myself to be in such a situation that involves so much alcohol. I KNOW that the rest of him is wonderful, yes he’s an amazing guy!!!! We get along and partner up very well when it comes to household tasks and bills and are both compatible with each other because of our common interests and how much love we have for each other— but I feel like his habit for alcohol is not worth it which is why I am hoping he can really cut down. At this point, I am not sure if he may need counseling?

I gave him an ultimatum and said, “Let is see how a month goes. If you do not make an effort to cut down from now until then, then I cannot continue this.”

Please know that I am aware of the fact that it takes time to heal from alcoholism. I am giving him all the love and support to cut down, but if he’s not willing to do that first step, then I can only do so much and I don’t want to be too patient until it’s too late.