Pregnant and cheated on

Hi mamas !

First , I'm not looking for comments saying "leave his ass" or anything along those lines. I'm simply looking for other women who have gone through something similar and can relate. Maybe use some advice.. I post here because I do not want family/friends/coworkers in my personal business.

Here is some background about myself ..

So, I am currently 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I am 30 years old. I am a nurse. I just bought my own home about a year ago.

Before I bought my house, I met my SO (father of my baby) about 4 years back. But, I was more into partying and having fun, so I was in no place for a relationship. 2 years later we became official. We lived an hour apart from each other. Both lived with roommates in apartment situations. At this time, I still couldn't find myself to fully commit to a relationship. I cheated on him constantly for a whole year of dating. Of course my lies caught up to me and he found out EVERYTHING. He was hurt, but still wanted to work on us and stay together.

1 year into our relationship my lease to my apartment was just about up and I knew I wanted to buy a house. I asked him if he wanted to live together. I told him the house would be in my name and if we ever got married, we could always add him on to the home. He agreed.

I purchased a home and we moved in May 2019. He did not officially move in with me until the end of August of 2019 due to not wanting to leave his roommates high and dry on rent.

When we moved in, everything seemed to fall into place. He works in construction so, I bought a cheaper home that needed some fixing up. He right away started turning this home into our home. He did so much work on it and it was already starting to look like a brand new home.

The end of September we found out I was pregnant. He was SO happy. He immediately started turning the spare bedroom into a nursery. Painting. Pulling up the carpet. Put down hardwood flooring and installed a new closet. I was so happy and I felt so lucky to have such a good man.

He cooked dinner every night. Made breakfast for me in bed. Cleaned the house. Exc. As my belly got bigger, he rubbed my feet at night. Painted and clipped my toe nails and sometimes helped me with my socks.

Fast forward to about 5 nights ago.

My SO travels about 2 hours to work. (Which he knew this was going to be a challenge because of where I purchased the home). Anyways, 5 nights ago, he went to work per usual.. I did not have to go in to work until later on that afternoon. As I was laying in bed , something felt off. You know , like a women's intuition. I NEVER snoop. I do not feel the need to go through phones or check up on the person you are with , BUT something told me otherwise that day.

I noticed since we moved in , we stopped cuddling at night like we used to do when we lived apart and slept at each others apartments. I noticed that on our days off he spent it downstairs working on emails and playing video games. I felt the distance. Sex even did not feel like love making. At first I thought I was being crazy.. maybe thinking too much.

But I followed my gut. I went downstairs and opened his laptop. He had left his email up. I found an email to his ex gf in September 2019 of him saying he is proud of her and not trying to interfere with her life. (She's an ex addict and just had a baby and is engaged). Then I found another email that was to his ex in January 2020 telling her that their good friend is in the hospital and she should go see him. As for some , these emails may seem harmless, but I thought to myself , if he has the audacity to email an ex , what else is he capable of.

I instantly went into crazy mode. (I blame the hormones)

From there I signed into his fb. I found nothing. I couldn't stop though and I had to keep snooping. He always told me he had got rid of Snapchat and didn t use it. I'm not sure why, but I typed in "snapchat" under his inbox. Glad I did. It showed he has been logging on to his Snapchat randomly about 2 times a week. Then I found that he was paying for tinder ! But the payments have been coming out since 2015, so I was not sure if he just didn't notice the automatic payments being taken out every month.

From there I knew I had to get on his Snapchat. I signed in on my phone but doing the "forgot password" since I was in his email. I was in.

A list of females came up. I clicked on each individually to scroll up to see if any convos were saved. They were. He was asking females for pictures of them in their undies. Sending inappropriate videos of himself jerking off. Seems he did this on nights I had to work an overnight or was at work.

It didn t matter. I had nothing else to lose. I was already too deep in. So I messaged every single female. Every females story was the same thing. "They met on tinder. He was kind of an asshole. They never met up. He only wanted sexy pictures"

I was pissed. I packed a bag and stayed at a friend's that night. He knew he did wrong because he got the notifications on his phone that someone was signing into all of his things. But I didn't care. I shut my phone off and stayed out that night. The next night , he came home after me. I looked at him " do you want to talk in the kitchen" I asked. He followed me in the kitchen. Looked me in the eyes and said; "I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I disrespected you and I'm sorry please don't leave me. I never met up with any of these women. I know it's still wrong , but I never physically touched them"

I was hurt. I felt broken. How could he disrespect the women that is carrying his child.

Not to mention .. all this started in July 2019! Right before he moved in with me. I asked him if I didn't catch him , would he still be doing it.? He was honest and said "yes probably . It was just like a high I guess for attention."

Since then he offered to give me his passwords. I refused. I doknt want a relationship like that. He got off all social media. Deactivated his Snapchat. And no longer walks around the house with his phone shoved in his pocket.

Although I know probably every man who gets caught in the act will prove in every way that they are suddenly faithful and can be good.

He begged me not to leave him and he didn't want to ruin our family.

I need advise .. I'm hurt. I'm absolutely broken. It's so hard to get out of bed. It's hard to go to work and put on a happy face. It's hard to be pregnant on top of all of this. This is supposed to be a happy time. So like what the fuck.

I'm angry. I apologize for the long story.. just sick of feeling depressed and lonely.