Mixed feelings

Me and my boyfriend was in a 9 month relationship from December 10th 2018 to September 16th 2019. We broke up because my boyfriend just thought our relationship was just sex and he blames himself because he says he never really use to take me places but i told him i dont mind i still love him and that I’d rather stay in with him than go out. We also had pregnancy scares literally all the time from May until now we keep having dumb pregnancy scares im 16 and hes 15 about to turn 16. We also use to have lots of arguments about his ex girlfriend because he use to talk to her literally all the time and stuff

But even after our break up we’ve still been doing stuff because we’re still in love. Atleast every single month we’ve been having sex and kissing secretly as everyone knows we aren’t together but people in my school can still suspect that we still love eachother. We literally live 30 seconds away from eachother so its so hard for us to stop going to each others houses.

Yesterday on valentines day i was being so rude to him but he kept messaging me asking what he did, this is sort of a habit, i just always be rude to him and say mean things to him which also makes him annoyed and sometimes makes him say rude things to me. 2 days ago i told him i dont love him anymore when really i know i still do alot and he told me that he could have sex with another girl and he wouldn’t care. Obviously that made me feel abit annoyed even though we aren’t together but still.

But on Valentines day even after i was mean to him, he messaged me asking me for some chicken (as he knows i made dinner) that was his way of coming over to my house. I let him come and we went to my room where we spoke and kissed. I apologised to him for all my rude words, i think i was just annoyed because I had just started my period I even had a argument wit my mum the same day. But he forgave me and he told me that after we finish school (we’re in the final year) we could get back together, i told him he’s lying but he said he isn’t and that all the exams just make him not want a girlfriend at the moment.

I smiled at him and we started kissing and it lead to us having sex whilst im on my period, and he had some of my chicken😂, and then he stayed for 3 more hours until he went home. I miss him so much right now I just want him to come back.