All day long I have been on the edge of a total meltdown. This whole morning I was worrying that my 7 month old wasn't happy being at home with me and she was bored. While she was smiling and cooing and playing with me and her toys.

I've felt like I'm overweight and disgusting all day.

We went out for lunch as a family and I told my husband what was going on as we drove so he was aware that was going on at least.

I kept feeling like I was being stared at and being judged as a bad mom.

My baby had a blowout so I took her to the bathroom and was thinking I was a horrible mom because I didn't have a spare outfit. It turned out I did.

I finally cried a little on the way home.

Now I want to just cry at everything my husband says and I don't know if maybe I'm just tired? I don't think I've had a day like this since I lived at home growing up.

I know last night i had memory dreams about my mom's abuse, and I know I had a dream about my dad but not sure what that one was about. I assumed all that was what triggered it but it's made today so hard. Now it's getting dark outside and that's not helping.