I see not many post often so hopefully I’ll get some feedback. Sorry for the long read!

A little about myself. I’m 32 and have PCOS and Adenomyosis. The doctor approved for me to have a hysterectomy in April. I’ve been longing for this for YEARS, but I was always told no because I was too young, and hadn’t had kids. I’ve suffered severe lower back pains, insane period patterns, constantly feel like I’m on my period with cramps and bloat 24/7 365, insomnia, fatigue, and since I had my kids my symptoms are 10X worse! I need my life back and I’ve waited too long.

I didn’t even think I could have kids but I went off of birth control because I’m a high risk for cancer and I really just hated taking it. So I started taking Metformin as to help with the PCOS symptoms and low and behold a month later I ended up pregnant with twins!! They are 17 months old now and I know for a fact I don’t want anymore kids! I love my kids but 2 is a good number for me lol

My reason for posting is to express my extreme fear of surgery and what to expect afterwards. When I was 17 I had oral surgery (I know it was just general sedation. Not quite like being put under for major surgery) and I woke up half way through it. I had told the doc I was nervous because it takes longer for meds to hit me than most. He told me I was just nervous because it was my first time. Well I woke up half way through soo there’s that. I’m mf terrified to go under. I simply can’t stress how terrified I am. I’m almost willing to be miserable with Adenomyosis the rest of my life than face these fears. Someone please tell me it’s like the best nap ever!?

My other concerns are the healing process. I know my kids won’t be to that age that they understand mama can’t pick them up. I have my mom coming in from out of state to take care of them for me until I’m released to life again but what’s truly a realistic time frame? They say 6-8 weeks but I’m terrified I’ll go pick my kids up and end up with my bowels between my legs! Also, what if I get sick from morphine (I’ve never had it before) and throw up after surgery. Are my insides gonna gush out from the force of throwing up? I know some of these thoughts are far fetched but someone bring Jesus to me and calm my ass down! Lol if you’ve made it this far thank you so much for giving me your time!