I’m 30 and Husband 32 in a few months... we have been ttc on about off for the whole 8 years of marriage. He’s still positive and I’m at my wits end. After years of praying and finally getting back in a good place in our relationship I want a family..

I subject myself to a lot of stress like letting his single sister with 4 kids and his mom move in. So I’m sure my uterus is hostile asf.

But all of the other ladies in the house of course have had children with no problem. And the other morning I wake up and go into my living room to chill. Of course 10 people in our tiny 3/2 doesn’t allow me any alone time. But what conversation lied ahead I could have put everyone out including my mom and nephew who are here.

Apparently my mom had shared with them some artificial insemenation home hacks from YouTube. While at this point I’d try anything. But her being my mom (although she didn’t raise me or want us per previous conversation) I figured there would be some privacy or just text the link!!! 😒😒 anything but have a clans meeting about the town’s barren woman 😭😭.

And after I sat through that conversation wishes i could twinkle my nose and disappear came some more hurtful.

Yes it could possibly get worse and it did. As if I’m not hurt enough and on the verge of a melt down and fighting tears.. it got harder.

My mom started with I’m glad I didn’t have them problems.. the MIL and SIL chimes in with yea one and done.. all u had to do was speak to me.. all of which ripped my soul.. but I’d be the first one married in my family and his before having a family. Something I’m proud of. Instead of raising a child solo or worrying if he’ll leave of assume that I’ve stepped out ( although his witch of a mom might try and swab him and my kids while I’m at work 🙄).

His sister has 4 kids 3 BDs and still makes me feel like shii. All of them do. And I heard my mom tell my SIL that she only hugged me in church when I cried so the pastor wouldn’t say anything. My husband watched me relapse after a year of sobriety because of the women living in MY HOUSE!! And I’m afraid that I’ll go back on the bottle and really lose everything. At this point all I have is him and faith (which is running mighty low..

I’m starting to think that it will never happen and I’ll always be asked what are u waiting on.. why haven’t u started having kids.. and as I type I feel the craps of AF here to take me for a week long ride that will yield no baby and leave me empty. And I’m broken. And angry. And hurt. And depressed. And want every bottle in the house but I’m trying for me and my husband. I’m still holding to the ounce of faith I have. That as long as I have a cycle and ovulate there’s a chance. And I’m battling every negative comment that comes at me. And I feel like the people who shouldn’t have kids do.

More info:

Hi ladies... we have gone to the dr. And they haven’t found anything. I’m still needing to lose weight but other than that I’m good as far as I’ve been told.

He needs to stop smoking but the sperm count is ok but could be better..

We have never been consistent in trying...

I do use OPKs

I’m trying to eat less and move more

But the stress and drama affects the BD as well