Hey,

Just needed a way to to express I guess...My Mental health has been like a roller coaster the past few months since I miscarried in October and on Thursday I had a proper mental breakdown. I started smoking and it did help but I feel guilty cause I grew up in a religious family and my dad smoked but has quit since Christmas.

A lot happened that led up to the breakdown I suppose, my grandads both passed away one year after another basically, one passed from dementia which we saw coming but the second was so quick and it was cancer that was found too late. Then I unfortunately missed miscarried at 12 weeks in October.

The smoking does help as I enjoy the rush you get with it and how chilled out I feel after and I know it's not good for you but I'm just worried about how my family will take it if they find out. I worry also they might blame my partner as he started smoking a year before me and he actually didn't want me to start.

I guess that's all, thanks for reading if you did. Just needed to vent as you do 😂😊