hi girls :( i just need help because i’m dealing with a lot of regret about my abortion. i really need to vent somewhere and get some advice, sorry if this is long, i just need to get literally everything off my chest and lift the giant weight off my shoulders.

i’m 14 ( wicked young, i know.) i got into my first ‘serious’, i guess you could call it- relationship around this time last year. i was 13. we were sexually active and we were together for about 8 ish months. this is going to sound silly but i really thought he was gonna be the one for me, or at least for a couple years. he ended up cheating on me and stuff and told me after we were dating that he had been losing feelings because i’m boring or something like that idk lmao. i just thought it was funny because (and before i say this ik i’m not all that, but) he was looking like that and he had the nerve to cheat on ME. it was whatever though, it didn’t really hurt that bad because i knew he was a literal child, and still to this day he does some things just to get a reaction out of me, but i’ll talk abt that later

about a week after we broke up my period was late. i was on birth control but i was honestly super irresponsible about taking it. i shouldve realized then that i was wayy to young to be having sex, especially if i couldn’t even use protection right. i still am too young lol. but i knew what was happening kinda instantly. i wasn’t really having many symptoms yet but i could just tell because my period is so regular.

i went to CVS with my bestfriend and bought a pregnancy test. it was positive and i was freaking out. i didn’t know what to do or how to tell my parents but i did know what i wanted to do. i was very pro life actually at the tile and like super conservative ig and abortion was out of the question for me.

i waited a couple weeks and i knew i had to tell someone, if i was gonna keep the baby i had to obviously tell my parents and then go to the doctor for prenatals, ultrasounds, and overall i had to come up with a plan.

i told my grandmother who i trust w my whole heart, and she was so supportive and she said she wouldn’t tell anyone but she ended up telling my mom. my mom came into my room and was crying and she gave me a hug and said everything’s gonna be ok and that she was just sad that i felt like i couldn’t tell her because i was scared of her or something.

things started getting weird though. my stepdad was telling my mom that i was probably lying for attention and to buy pregnancy tests and make me take them in front of her. i did it and they were all positive. she dropped to her knees and started screaming at me and crying. i felt so bad omg

but then the next day she started saying she’d support me in whatever decision i chose, but if i kept it it’d be my responsibility 100%, and i totally understood and agreed. i told her i’d either wanna keep it or give it up for adoption and have an open adoption, but i didn’t want an abortion. she said ok, and scheduled a doctors appointment for me the next day. i went and they confirmed i was pregnant, and my mom cried again and told me i was selfish and that i needed to apologize to my sister, and because of me i ruined her life.

so we got home and she made me make the appointment for the abortion. i told her i didn’t want to but she called the clinic and sat over me while i was on the phone with them. i feel so weak looking back at it because i should’ve stood up for my baby but my mom would’ve kicked me out.

my real dad was nicer to me about it than my mom but he was just saying “you know what you need to do , right? you need to kill it” and i was so upset. when the time came to actually get the abortion i was crying so much i was hyperventilating, and i passed out and hit my head on the table. my mom just waited to see me wake up and she left the place and went straight out to her car, to talk to my stepdad on the phone. he was pissed and thought i made myself pass out to not get the abortion that day. i obviously didn’t make myself pass out, but honestly i was relieved that i did and i thought that it happened for a reason, and it was a sign that i was supposed to keep this baby. but nope, they rescheduled for the week after. this time my dad took me. i went in and got the procedure and then my dad wanted me to go to his girlfriends house and smile and laugh and act like nothing happened.

he was so embarrassed by me he refused to tell his girlfriend or his parents. in the car ride back i said to him “don’t expect to see your grandkids when i’m older. u wanted this one dead so bad.” i was so mad. btw tho, when i was sitting in that waiting room i was looking at all the other girls and i realized why abortion needs to be a thing. it’s not murder, and i have nothing against abortion. it just was not the right choice for me and it’s not what i wanted. i 100% understand why my parents were angry obviously , i just wish they wouldve let me choose. i probably would’ve chosen an open adoption in the end honestly. because i know i most likely couldn’t fully support a baby at 14 years old. especially on my own. my ex was getting beat at home and he was abusing drugs and right now actually he’s going through multiple foster homes , idrk where he even is but that wouldn’t be good for the baby either.

i just know an abortion wasn’t right for me. please don’t tell me in the comments my parents did the right thing forcing me into an abortion because it was not the right thing. i wanted to give the baby up for adoption . i go to therapy now and my mom still gives me hell. my mom tells me to stop with my fake depressed bullshit. i’m so alone and i really just needed to get this off my chest , so thanks for listening especially if u got all the way to this point lol. it’s just so hard cause i would be about 6 months pregnant now , and i’d be giving birth in may and it hurts so bad.