Well I honestly dont remember last time I wrote anything on here but I know it hasn't been that long.. just feels like its been forever. Thats more than likely because weve reached, what I wanna say is probably the end, for now at least. We were told, I believe in November, basically the odds of us getting pregnant on our own are a million to one because of hubbys low count. That being said, of course

<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> was recommended, which was not really something we have the money for.. nor do many people im sure. My wonderful perfect husband, as you could imagine, didn't take it well at all because all he takes away from the bad news is thinking the worst and that its all his fault. I def dont see it that way or feel that at all. This world is just cruel and unfair especially to people who don't deserve it. So after all the testing, surgery, and money spent, decided to basically just try to let go for awhile and stop worrying and try to live and enjoy life normally.. whatever that may be. Even though we were told <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> is not likely at all to work for us, we could still try and that was the plan but we wanted to wait awhile to save up some money. Now we had always discussed getting a dog/puppy someday, preferably after having a baby, but obviously there was a change in plans and we happened to come across an adorable boxer/shepherd pup. Sure enough by the end of November we adopted her. Needless to say puppies are a lot of work especially not being home often because of your job and its super stressful. Im a huge animal lover but in the back of my mind she's a constant reminder that we should have a baby instead right now which I know isnt any easier but its different. It seems that hubby does better to just not think about baby stuff anymore which I can understand but for me honestly I think Im more emotional about it all. I cant seem to go to any baby showers that arent coed (I know most arent but i have been to some that are). I really need hubby to be there for support for situations like that cause its just too hard. My older sister is currently 5 months pregnant with her first baby ever and after miscarrying and lots of struggles and I am so happy for her but it doesn't make it any less hard to think about. Life has just been bleh even though I am thankful for family, friends and my husband but sometimes I just cant help but question why life is so unfair.. well, I think Im done venting for tonight so Im going to cuddle hubby and the pup. Thanks for listening if anyone is.. good night.