Trigger warning: My story is kind of long so I apologize. When I was about 4, my mother (who is an addict) started dating a guy named Bill (changed to something else). Bill was actually emotionally abusive for a while. I moved in with him and my mother at the age of 7 (I lived with my grandparents before then). A few weeks after living in the house, Bill would start having me sit on his lap when I watched tv. My mom found out she was pregnant almost as soon as we moved in, so she would nap a lot and expect Bill to cook me dinner and help me bathe. When we would watch tv, he would make me move back and forth on his legs. After a few years, I realized he was trying to get my underwear to push to the side so he could feel my privates on his leg. When I would bathe, he would tell me I had to spread my legs so he could clean me and he would touch me. I didn’t know any better and I was scared of him. After my brother was born, Bill didn’t like him because he looked more like my mom. Now that she wasn’t pregnant, she had to go back to work. Bill would force me to get on my baby brother when he got around 2 and hump against him. I ended up thinking this was okay, so I would do it all the time. One day, my mom found me doing it and she made Bill come in and spank me. She explained to me that it was disgusting of me to do that, but all I could think was “Bill said this was okay.” Fast forward about 10 years, and Bill has custody of my two younger brothers. My mom is in jail and I live with my grandparents again. I don’t talk to Bill or my brothers and I miss them. Not Bill. Last time I talked to Bill, I cursed him out. He abused my mother after I moved in with my grandparents. That is my child sexual assault story. I was sexually assaulted recently by a guy at school. I was supposed to go to the movies with a group of people. Me and Ryan were the only ones that didn’t cancel. I had a boyfriend at the time and we had gotten into a fight, so I was looking forward to spending some time with friends. Ryan and I went into the movie and sat down. It was an empty theater. There was a group of girls near the bottom of the theater while we sat up at the top. They were young girls too, not really teens. Halfway through the movie, Ryan turns to me (we were talking and making jokes to each other about the movie so this wasn’t unexpected) and he gropes my boob. I threw his hand off of me and looked at him confused. I asked him why he did that, but he said it was a “game” and he wanted to see if he could guess exactly what he was touching with his eyes closed. I knew something was weird but I just went along with it and closed my eyes, poking him in the neck softly. Next thing I know, Ryan is climbing on top of me trying to rub my privates. I tried to push him and eventually I did. That wasn’t before he’d ripped my bra down off of my chest and unzipped my pants, ripping a hole in my underwear. The reason I put all of these details in here is to explain how long it was before I got free. i then went into the theater bathroom and sat there for the rest of the movie. After the movie, we had to get picked up by my grandfather. He apologized and told me I shouldn’t have run off because I left him with blue balls. I was so shocked, I didn’t say anything. I told my friend and she started laughing. I was so confused until she explained how boys are just like that and I should be honored because it means I’m attractive enough to get someone hard. I tried telling my grandparents so I could see a therapist, but they told me it was my fault for not punching him. I tried to explain that I was scared, but that didn’t matter. I’m feeling really depressed as of late, and I could just die and not worry about anything anymore. I’m sharing this because I need to find some help and I just want to talk to people who believe me.