Let me just start by saying I’m only 25 years old. Lost my virginity in college at 18. I used to have an insane sex drive. Like once I lost my virginity it was like I had a taste of the most amazing drug right. I was monogamous in my sexual activity for the most part but I had a few different partners because I didn’t like being tied down too long and wasn’t interested in love, just school and pleasure.

NOW: I’m in a the longest term relationship of my life adult life (4 years) and I’m engaged 😀.

YOU CAN SKIP TO THE ⚠️ SECTION, THIS IS BACKGROUND INFO

Being in a long term relationship with just one person has its ups and downs. In the past if someone annoyed me I’d drop him because I didn’t love him anyway. But this guy I can’t drop, I do love him. But our sexual chemistry is NOT good. Even with me being patient and vocal and teaching him. Our relationship has been rocky and we both get sexually frustrated I guess. He is easily turned on by me, but I am not easily turned on by him. So often something goes wrong and I’m just all dried out. Don’t even wanna do it anymore. We’d had good sex before. Two times I can recall it was amazing. But aside from that, I can’t even get off at the thought of him. Not pictures, not thoughts or fantasies or memories 😢 that makes me feel sad. My mind seems to hold on to all the bad times, both sexually and in the relationship so much that I can’t just relax and ease into pleasure with him. My mind is always anticipating the next downfall. Our sometimes ends in arguments or disappointment. And times when we don’t have sex it’s because we got to that conclusion b4 sex could even happen. On top of that I think deep down inside I don’t feel that he is attracted to my body, as he only gives compliments to me after another man already has. He will compliment my glasses or color coordination of clothes every once in a while but those things aren’t me. It’s a material thing I happen to be wearing.

⚠️IDK, I just really feel like I should WANT to be attracted toy man sexually but it’s deeply clouded by negativity. It took a lot of insight to reach this conclusion. B4 I just didn’t know why which frustrated me even more. I mentioned this to my fiancé yesterday morning only briefly. I told him that I WANT to want him. He is very sensitive so I explained gently. To myself I question if o just had low libido but when I don’t think about him at all, I can peacefully masturbate and get off in 60-120 seconds. It’s just when I do think of him I’m no longer sexually interested at all and that will last for some hours. When we have sex I dry out or don’t get wet in the first place so we use lube now. B4 him, I used make puddles. I’m horny less often now that we live together. Ugh this is frustrating. Does anyone have an idea as to what is going on here? If it’s low libido, how do I fix it? Is it common? What wrong with me?

PS: I’m not interested in cheating at all. This is the man I want.