Might be hard to understand

So I'm not aure how to explain the situation that weel so I'll show you the message I sent my bf

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Litterally for years I thought there was smthn wrong w me cuz I nvr experienced love. All of my relationships were literally sparked out of boredom and sure I could admit if someone was attractive but never actually fell for anyone romantically and I was actually to a point I wasn't scared of it anymore since I was like that with most emotion. But like when I started being with you I felt really weird and thought I was always sick. So like for a over year I didn't even know I was actually in love. I mean like, me. The girl who literally couldn't even get upset when pets/family I rly cared for died. And so like when I did realize, I kinda had a mental breakdown and cut a bit. That was actually only a few months ago and I wasn't sure how to (or if I should) tell you. Cuz like even rn I'm still rly new to this and I'm like rly scared of messing up and loosing this. I don't know how to love. I still barely know how to apply the "appropriate" emotions/reactions to situations. There's like so much I feel I wanna say but idek what it is that I wanna say

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So that's what's going on. I guess the simplest way to explain it is that I'm started to feel more and it's scaring me. I'm not sure how to handle such a dramatic change in my life on top of everything I deal with.