Pregnant and single

Nicole • FTM to #boymom

I was TTC with a donor for 6 months.. I move to a new state, stop tracking my ovulation to give myself time to adjust and reconfigure my budget and get settled, meet someone, and we end up being awesome together for a few short weeks, including conceiving the first time we have sex...

Didnt take long for all of that to go down the drain. I was only a couple months along when he says, "can I ask you something without you getting mad?" And proceeds to ask if I've been cheating on him... why would he think such a thing? Because I "hadn't been as talkative or sexual with him in a while..." ya know, while I was clinically depressed and had 24/7 severe migraines since implantation and _He Knew That_. But he "had no idea there was even a small chance that I'd get mad at that question."

Anyway, not that our relationship hadn't been struggling at that time, but it definitely went much further downhill very quickly after that, and we've been broken up for months. For a long time, he was still avidly trying to get back into a relationship with me, trying to make me jealous, trying to flirt, arguing every time I didnt want to repeat myself on why we broke up, or what he did wrong or whatever. Now that he has stopped that, he still rarely ever asks about our unborn son, but even that is a big improvement from literally never asking. He says he is going to be an awesome dad and whatnot, he seems compliant when I send him information like how to swaddle or how to fold cloth diapers but I really do not think he will step up to actually visit the child. He has only ever been to 1 of the appointments, and that was the first sonogram (I'm 32 weeks pregnant atm) so he has had some BS excuse the past 3 or 4 (no money to pay Bill's so he cant miss work and then the gist recent: "if I take off work, they f*ck up everyone else's schedule to cover it" (mind you, he knew about that appt 5 weeks in advance)). His parents will be in town the kids first month-ish, but after that, I'm really doubting my son will see his father much, if at all.. and as for child support or daycare payment help? I could bet money that I will never see any from him..

Obviously this has been going on for a while-it isn't some surprise, but being 8 months along, now, finishing up the registry and setting up all of his crib and belongings really made it feel real and I just... need to tell my story.

I will play his father's role out by just taking it at face value, keeping track of if/when he comes over, invite him to important stuff, and if he provides any financial support, and hopefully he proves me wrong.

But this is my story so far and I guess I'm just looking for some support. I went into parenting wanting to be a single parent by choice and now that my plan didnt work, and I ended up conceiving with a partner, and STILL ending up single.. like, wtf is wrong with that picture?