Graduating finally

So after years and years of school I am finally graduating! 🤭 in April! I’m beyond excited and terrified all at the same time.

So as my last semester (graduating as a chiropractor) I’m not in any classes but doing an internship or I guess I’m not supposed to be in any classes but last trimester I got this email saying hey you still need a class to complete your bachelors 🙄 my school is notorious for this crap. So it’s an online class and I’ve never taken an online class, it’s all discussions and assignments.

Anyway long story short I’m panicking, this biology class wants me to write a thesis paper....a 20 pages thesis paper. And while in my day I’ve written a lot of papers I am going completely blank. I have no idea what I’m going to write a 20 page paper over. I feel like I’ve forgotten how to write research papers, like I can’t even come up with a topic! Like I’m writing a book I love writing! But As soon as it comes to a research paper I’m completely stuck.

I’m literally laying awake at 4 am crying because I don’t know if I’m going to graduate now. I am supposed to be focused on treating my patients on making people feel better. On my child on my future, on figuring out where I’m going to go! And instead I feel like I’m going to end up not getting to graduate because the school came up with another class I “needed” to complete my undergrad degree when I have been done with undergrad for 4 years!

On top of this we’ve been trying to get pregnant for two months and I got more negative pregnancy tests this month and I just feel completely defeated this month. It’s hitting me extremely hard and I just want to curl up and give up but I’ve got patients to treat and this stupid what feels like impossible paper to write.....

Sorry for the pity party I need somewhere to rant and I can post anonymously.