Being diagnosed with PCOS has made me question if I want to try for a second child

My husband and I discussed children while we were still dating and always said, “three with the possibility of a fourth.” We got married in April 2017, after a year of dating. We found out a month later when my period skipped, that we conceived a “honeymoon” baby. We unfortunately lost that baby about a week after the positive pregnancy tests and I had a normal period. We were doing nothing to prevent pregnancy, and we found out another month after that that I was pregnant again. Fast forward through my amazing and perfect pregnancy, and our daughter was born in March 2018. We, of course, were ecstatic and agreed that after the first three months of her life, we wouldn’t purposely try to prevent pregnancy. (We both wanted kids close in age.) But, in April of 2019, I had been without a period for four months, without any positive pregnancy tests, and with gaining 100 pounds within my daughters first year of life. I went to the doctor, and that’s when I was diagnosed with PCOS. He put me on birth control and told me to eat healthy and exercise. Its now coming up on the year mark that I’ve been on birth control, and my doctor wants to take me off of it to see if my periods are regular. But, I’m suddenly terrified of becoming pregnant. I’m not sure if I want more kids now that my body (and mind) has been struggling so much due to the PCOS. I don’t know if I could bear it if I gained another 100 pounds without being able to get it off, no matter what I do. Before pregnancy, I weighed 155-160. During pregnancy, I gained about 15 pounds (which I lost within a month of her birth). And then the year following my daughters birth, I got up to 254 pounds! So right now, I’m at 238, 11 of the 16 pounds lost were due to having the flu for a week and a half. My husband wants another baby sooooo bad, but I don’t think I’d be able to function if my weight sky rocketed again. I can’t imagine being a mom of a two year old and a new born, weighing like 340 pounds. I just couldn’t do it, and I don’t want to. So obviously I feel guilty for not knowing if I want to give my husband another child, and not knowing anymore if we will ever be able to have our “three with the possibility of a fourth”.

What do y’all think? Has having PCOS changed your mind about how many children you want? How have your significant others reacted to the thought of not having more children?

Please help me y’all, I’m struggling.