Re living over and over and over ........

It happened almost 3 years ago I still feel like it was yesterday I still want to slit his throat and watch him bleed out. I still want to lock him in a well somewhere and just leave him there. He almost killed me. I just want to punch him in the face. I try to twist it so mabey I led him on or I think well I wanted it at the beginning of the night. I think that mabey it was my shorts or my hot pink bra under my tang top. Was it my fault. Was it bad that I didn't understand what had happened at first. I had to talk to one of my friends because I couldn't figure it out. I didn't know that was not normal when it happened. He stole my v card. Idk I should be passed this.