And I didn’t get him anything.

I feel awful because he always gets me something. He’s been there for me, he always takes care of me, he’s taken on so many responsibilities while I focus on getting healthy enough to get pregnant.

Today I got my period.

It’s been 2 years since we started ttc. This past cycle was our first attempt at timed intercourse with letrozole, gonal-f, and the trigger shot. I was instructed to test on the 25th and thought “wow, what an amazing birthday present that would be!” We started when we were 28, he’s turning 31 tomorrow.

I was so strict this month. Never more than 1 cup of coffee, no sushi, barely any carbs or sugar (PCOS), even lost a couple lbs.

But I knew. No symptoms, not even for a period. Doctor had actually suggested <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">iui</a> for 3 months before trying <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a>, explaining pcos can make the egg shells thicker and harder to penetrate naturally.

Only problem is that insurance wouldn’t cover <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">iui</a> and we found out midway though January that my husband would be losing his job in April. That also means we loose the insurance. My job offers some, but the copays are more than double with significantly less coverage. Adding a spouse to mine would also mean we pay 3x the amount we paid to both be on his insurance. With no steady income lined up for after April we aren’t even sure we can afford our bills, let alone a child, and definitely not thousands of dollars for <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a>.

We got in to a fight this morning over something incredibly stupid, my earring got stuck in my ear, I nearly yelled at a manager in a meeting at work, and, when I went to the bathroom, af had arrived. I called to make an appointment to start the last insurance covered TI for now.

When he picked me up from work he had written me a 3 page letter with an apology and included the first draft of his vows from our wedding 4 years ago.

I’m not sure what I did to deserve him. I told him about my hope to give him a positive pregnancy test for his birthday and that was the 4th time I cried today (I’ve cried 2 more times since btw). He held me and let me cry. He asked if I only took one test and I cried harder as I told him I took 3 over the last few days.

If you read this far, thanks for coming to my pity party. I needed to get some stuff off my chest.

I would, however, appreciate ideas for something special to do for him. I’m at a loss.